User:Hanman29/Jeff hammel

Jeff Hammel(born june 1st, 1970) is a designer of clothing featuring his own likeness, fantasy football embarassment, and current door man at the Bleacher Bar. Ironically nicknamed "the hammer" in high school after his laughably small genitalia was first seen by fellow members of the cross country team, he currently lives in South Boston where he dodges skunks on a regular basis.

Recent Scandal and Idiocy
During the "Hope you like Mayo" (named after the foolish opening day policies of head chef Art Welch) fantasy football draft that took place at Game On on September 2nd, Jeff did not hesitate for a second and confidently chose a kicker (Stephen Gostowski) in the 5th round which, by ALL accounts, is a tremendously foolish thing to do. His previous round pick of 11th best available tight end Vinsanthe Shiancoe, who was the first tight end drafted, had already made him the laughing stock of the draft and the Gostowski pick furthered the notion amongst the other league members that they were witnessing a historically bad, matt millen-esque draft. The fact that Jeff released gostowski immediately after week one cemented his status as a functioning retard.

Hammer Stories and Testimonials
"I know Hammer likes to joke around but...after witnessing the draft this year, he kind of reminds me of a sad clown. There is no way in hell anybody is dumb enough to select a low ranked tight end and a kicker in the 4th and 5th rounds of a fantasy football draft, which means he paid 100 dollars and tanked his whole draft solely to get a rise out of all of us, which is sad. Kind of reminds me of a drug addicted Steve-O videotaping himself doing horrible things to get a few laughs and attention.  sad really... -fellow league member T.C. Hannigan