User:Happylobster

Hello!

I'm a 39-year old writer and software developer. Primary interests are pop culture, biographies, and the English language.

Things I've written:

"When life deals you heart-wrenching, bleak torture of the soul, do not make heart-wrenching-bleak-torture-of-the-soul-ade; the better choice is still lemonade. "

"Cookie Monster was wrong! C is *not* for cookies! I spent eight hours trying to program my cookies in C and it turned out I needed Javascript. Friggin' Muppet."

"When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of a York Marcie calling 911."

""If those folks in Kansas are right about evolution never having happened, I sure hope it happens soon."

"When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of brisk winds carrying my legs as I brave the tundra-like streets towards the 8:15 train to Downtown Toronto. Running, running ... I am the timber wolf racing the November morning, forging ahead of all others. I make the train, and the doors, like giant ice blocks, slam triumphantly before me. All eyes are upon my frigid and agile form. It is then I realize that I left home without pants again."

"The reason I like Diet Pepsi better than Diet Coke is that you can't win a billion dollars with Diet Coke. Unless you're in California. And there's a baby goat head in the bottle. And the jury is generous.... Come to think of it, I like my chances with Diet Coke better."

Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" visited by Sesame's Street Elmo in Haiku

"call me ishmael" "oh my! elmo thought you were big bird, ishmael" "i'm off to help catch moby dick, the great white whale" "elmo likes whales. hee!" "come along then, and we will join ahab in his quest." "what is an ahab?" "ahab's my captain" "what's a captain, ishmael?" "he runs the ship, mate." "elmo would rather watch goldfish than moby dick." "yellah?" "elmo red!"