User:Hardick.2/Project SIDA/Lolanallie123 Peer Review

Sorry this was not in the right place originally!

Peer review
General info

Whose work are you reviewing? (provide username) Hardick.2

Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Hardick.2/Project SIDA

Lead Lead evaluation

Since Project SIDA is technically a French translation, you might want to add the French title as well.

I would make the very first sentence more poignant, like "Project SIDA was an African research organization." What you have now feels a little choppy

I do not think you need the parentheses about Zaire now being the DRC. If you do want to add this, I would recommend phrasing it so that you do not need to add the parentheses.

The "Project SIDA was a collaboration..." sentence is too long and this information could be split into multiple sentences.

For the following sentence, you already mentioned Zaire so you could include the Mama Yemo Hospital in that part

Termination does not need to be its own paragraph (not sure if you are done editing this or not)

Content Content evaluation

Be careful with the first sentence about Dr. Kapita - this is not a full sentence

Ending a sentence with ", in 1975" feels choppy

Explain what/where Kigali is

Be sure to stick to either "Project SIDA" or "Projet SIDA"

Put citations after punctuation rather than in the middle of a sentence

For some of the pieces in your "history" outline, be sure to center your content around the essence of Project SIDA. If it was directly involved in formulating the cut hunter hypothesis, then include it, but if not the information is superfluous and could be linked to Wikipedia articles elsewhere. Same could probably go for early Tropical Medicine in Congo-Zaire - just make sure this speaks to what Project SIDA is.

Similarly for background on the Zaire civil war, I would encourage you to just use as much information as you need to establish context. You do not need to give the war its own section because this distracts from the point of the article

Be sure to link your terms to other wikipedia articles, for example: CDC

For the "Work" and "Termination" sections, you may want to either add some content directly under the Work and Termination headings or make some of the subheadings into actual headings. It does not really make sense to go from a heading directly into a subheading

Tone and Balance Tone and balance evaluation

Great job here!

Sources and References Sources and references evaluation

Cite the information that is under the "Scientific Outcomes" heading

every link that I clicked on worked.

Organization Organization evaluation

Scientific goals and Scientific Outcomes could probably just be goals and outcomes

Public health interventions makes sense under "Work", but I think International Presence could be its own section

Similarly, with termination, mentioning the civil war makes sense but legacies and challenges could probably each be their own sections, and challenges should be closer to work and not near termination. (unless their challenges came after their termination)

If "budget and operations" is going to talk about the Project SIDA conception, you should make budget and operations a subheading under conception

You might want to consider adding another section about "Selected Works and Publications" and then include some of the pivotal research released by the project

Images and Media Images and media evaluation

I know it is tricky, but I would try to include at least one picture to bring some color to all of the black and white!

Overall impressions Overall evaluation

Overall good draft so far, I know this is not your finished piece so I would be happy to look over it again when you are about done. My biggest recommendation is to be sure that all of your pieces speak to the existence of Project SIDA at large and that you do not add unnecessary information. Also, make sure all of your sentences flow and that you do not have missing words. Good sources, good job maintaining a neutral tone, and good job making sense of a lot of different historical directions and pieces! Lolanallie123 (talk) 04:06, 13 June 2020 (UTC)