User:Hashslingingslasher03/Ban the Box/Jerahr Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Hashslingingslasher03


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Editing User:Hashslingingslasher03/Ban the Box - Wikipedia


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ban the Box - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
The first sentence is a little too wordy; I would consolidate and revise the grammar a bit. Instead, maybe say something like "Ban the Box is an American campaign created by advocates of ex-offenders, which proposed removing the checkbox on hiring applications that asks for criminal record confirmation." I honestly don't have any more revision suggestions for the last two sentences, but I would expand more on theory behind society benefiting from ex-offenders finding jobs.