User:Heyitsjami/Campus sexual assault/SLW012 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Heyitsjami


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Heyitsjami/Campus_sexual_assault?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Campus sexual assault

Evaluate the drafted changes
The content is relevant and incorporates important statistics that pertain to the major issues surrounding campus sexual assault. It may be beneficial to add a sentence which defines sexual assault and sexual harrassment because that is the core of the article.

My main feedback pertains to your sentence structure, making sure that each sentence is easy to read and flows to the next. Although all of this information is super relevant, it feels a bit choppy.

"In contrast, studies have shown that rape, either attempted or completed, was the least prevalent form of campus sexual assault; in a study comprised of approximately 4,500 college-aged women, about 3% of the women reported to have been a victim to attempted or completed rape during their current year in school." The semicolon should be removed here and this should be separated into two sentences, each citing to the same source.

"Research shows that the majority of victims of campus sexual assault are female, around the ages of 18-24, with an average percentage of about 25%." The structure of this sentence is a bit confusing and it is unclear what the 25% is referencing.