User:Hillbillyholiday/Articles/A Brief History of the Wedgie

A wedgie occurs when a person's underwear or other garments are wedged between the buttocks. While a wedgie can be created naturally, the term is usually associated with a prank or as a form of bullying. When a person is on the receiving end of a wedgie, his or her underwear is forcibly pulled up by a second person.

History
The first recorded reference to a wedgie is found in the Ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead dating back over four thousand years. Discovered by Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling, the Holy Scripture of Divine Retribution details a case when a punishment known as The Curse of Wej-ee, was inflicted upon a group of students who attended college at the same time as Rameses; but were foolish enough to transgress Wee-je's Unwritten Rules of Righteousness in the presence of the Pharaoh.


 * "And so the wicked, the rebels, and the blasphemers of the Wej-ee suffered swift and final punishment, so also all those who had sinned against the stern moral Law of Righteousness, and who had failed to satisfy its demands, paid the penalty without delay. The loincloths of the wicked were hoist between their legs and the miscreants were suspended from palm trees, until they pleaded for Pharoah's mercy and swift release from the awful Curse.
 * And so The Pharaoh on hearing these piteous cries, ordered that the wretches be taken down from the trees. They were later thrown into deep pits filled with fire, and their bodies, souls, shadows and hearts were consumed forthwith."

Shakespeare
William Shakespeare famously wrote an entire play about wedgies - All's Wedgie That Ends Wedgie. According to fellow playwright William Brunskill, the five-hour play was a semi-autobiographical tragedy primarily based on Shakespeare's unhappy schooldays. Unfortunately, the original and only manuscript was lost in the late seventeenth century in a fire, or was possibly consumed by an enormous swarm of killer bees, or something like that.