User:Himalayan Edelweiss/Ocean acidification in the Great Barrier Reef/Candid Capybara Peer Review

General info
Himalayan Edelweiss
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Himalayan Edelweiss/Ocean acidification in the Great Barrier Reef - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ocean acidification in the Great Barrier Reef - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead Section

There is no modification to the existing lead section. The existing topic sentence does not describe the article itself, but rather highlights one item that threatens coral reefs. Could be expanded and rewritten to encompass new and existing information in the article. The lead section does include a brief description of the article’s major sections already, but depending on the additional information presented, could be modified easily to include new information. Everything addressed in the lead section is addressed within the article, and I feel as though the lead section does not need much work.

Content

The section being modified (or assumed to be modified) is the biodiversity section of the article. From what I am able to tell, the section is looking to include more information pertaining to threatening species that see a similar trend to coral in terms of ocean acidification, alongside being able to present the information in a more concise, but also appealing manner. The content added and or looking to be added is relevant to the topic, but I cannot tell if it is up to date due to no citations backing the information. I would be interested in seeing the significance of Crown of Thorns sea stars and why the relationship is needed in the article. Alongside this, I do think some areas of the biodiversity section (in particular talking about symbiotic/predator species) could benefit from subsections to organize. The article does not deal with an equity gap on Wikipedia, though that may not seem necessary within this article. Potentially, an underrepresented researcher could be utilized within the article, but this is simply a suggestion.

Tone and Balance

The content added thus far is presented in a neutral manner and there is no bias when it comes to the facts being presented. I do not believe the content attempts to persuade the reader toward any opinion about the matter of ocean acidification besides that it is a current contributor to the biodiversity crisis that needs to be acknowledged and addressed; the writer does not put forth any opinions on the matter. Again, there is the possibility of representation in terms of underrepresented or minority researchers depending on the direction of the section.

Sources and References

All content that is added to the article is not backed by a source of information. It would have been nice to see new sources added to the biodiversity section, in particular, any research studies conducted that looked directly at coral morality and ocean acidification.

Organization

The content added is concise and is easy to read. I believe the section would benefit from subsection titles, specifically separating the various species that are also being influenced by ocean acidification alongside coral. See the edits on Google document in terms of spelling and grammar. I believe the sections could potentially be organized better, but the flow of the entire article does make sense and is not in desperate need of change. I do agree with the proposed modifications within the section, specifically seeing the purpose of highlighting various reef species and reducing sentences’ wordiness.

Images and Media

No images were added to the article to enhance understanding.

Overall Impressions

I believe that the suggestions added to the biodiversity section of the article are beneficial, though I would have liked to see the modifications added to the article already (rather than just suggestions). I think the section would also benefit from recent research focusing into various species of coral that have been heavily depleted due to ocean acidification, similar to how the article is attempting to highlight more species being influenced by acidification. Another item I would add would include human intervention and conservation efforts that have been conducted to try to mitigate ocean acidification and replenish coral species (i.e., nurseries). Overall, the suggestions do make sense, though I do hope to see more of a focus on conservation efforts being conducted and not just why coral reefs are important. I also do think that more should be added to “Importance of Coral Reefs '' section to emphasize the importance of mitigating ocean acidification while we are able to do so.