User:Hippolotamus/Book of Gates/Eggiee! Peer Review

General info
Hippolotamus
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:
 * User:Hippolotamus/Book of Gates
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Book of Gates

Lead
The lead is organized in a way that makes much more sense than how the original was. The lead is overall still a bit confusing for me however, such as how many hours are there shown in the book of gates? Why is it important for the deceased soul to know all of the names of the guardians? Information kind of feels randomly included at times without much context or elaboration, so I think some work to make it all flow a little better will help to solve that!

Also, I think you should either explain that Re is the same as Ra, or just choose one to go with throughout the article since the actual Ra article would also explain that - it just gets confusing to use them interchangeably :)

Overall, a good revamp of the original article! Could definitely benefit from more reworking of the sentences to make them flow together rather than being extremely short fragments, as well as just a little more contextual information to lead into the rest of the article.

Clarity of Article Structure
It seems like some more work is being done on your article with the other section, so I'll just offer some suggestions for how I would order some of the paragraph chunks! I personally think it makes more sense to have the chunk about explaining the hours of the Book of Gates - or whatever else you intend to add about the content of the book - before the appearances section so that the audience can gain some context about what the actual book is and then understand why it appears where it does (such as tomb walls or papyrus or whatever else) that much better.

Coverage Balance
The article is definitely neutral, as I did not see any part of the article that was attempting to sway my opinion on the Book at all - the article lays out mostly facts and is clear when something is more of a speculation.

So far, I would say that the article isn't entirely balanced as it seems more attention is needed for the rest of the article body as well as giving some insight on the content of the book. I think the appearances section is really interesting, and I would love to read about more places it has appeared or maybe some discussion of the reasons that it appears in the places that it does? Like was it something exclusive to royalty/nobility or was it more of a common funerary text?

I would definitely agree that the "The Fourth Division of the Fifth Hour" section at least needs some structural help, as that is a very large unbroken wall of text (obviously not your fault though lol).

Content Neutrality
No, I don't think I can guess the authors perspective on the article after reading it as it all seems very neutral to me!