User:Hippolotamus/Book of Gates/Swanson24 Peer Review

General info
Hippolotamus
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Hippolotamus/Book of Gates
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Book of Gates

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

Paragraph 1 is an excellent lead, great concise details that help to lead the article forward and to sum up what we are going to learn by reading your article.

Paragraph 2 is also well written and a great summary of what exactly is in the book.

Paragraph 3, I like the information but I would maybe think about including its partner book in a different section and going over what is different about each of them. You would be able to expand further into the importance of both books and why exactly they accompany each other, as well as any instances they are found together. The information in this section is very concise and informative but in my opinion does not belong in the lead.

Appearance:

Overall, the information provided in concise and important for the audience to know. I like the examples given of where they were found. Could you possible find more instances of its appearance further away from Egypt? Did it ever appear in different cultures, but named as something else or was it exclusive to Egypt?

Possible additions:

The writing within this article is very professional and remains neutral. However, it does leave me wanting to know more about the hours, what goddesses are associated with each gate. A new section could be added going over each of the gates and what happens when you pass through them or who is there at those gates. It does not have to be a lot of information but general summaries of what happens at each gate as well as their goddesses. I would be very interested to read about that and I feel that would lengthen and strengthen your existing work! In the lead, this information is kind of promised to the audience that it will be discussed and I definitely want to know more! I would like to also know who was reading this book. Was it limited to higher class individuals or more open to the average Egyptian?

Tone/Balance:

The tone remains neutral throughout the article while providing statements that do not tread into arguments. There is no claim the author is attempting to persuade the audience on, and statements that are hypothesized about are worded accordingly such as "this might've happened" etc.

Organization:

Organization is good, but I think their should be more sections to split up the information given in the article. The lead possesses some information that could be its own section. Overall, these sections are good and filled with solid information, but they could be expanded on a little bit more (elaborated above).

Images:

Images look great and are good additions to the information discussed. As you add more sections, definitely add more images. If you discuss the goddesses associated with each gate, you could add images of them!

The included images are in accordance to the CC laws in Wikipedia as well.

Sources:

The current list of sources looks good, but I think more could be added, specifically in the lead. This might be a case of where the existing citations did not copy over which is totally fine, but some of the info does not have a source tied to it such as how the text was not named by Egyptians or how the gates are guarded by different goddesses etc. Some more supplemental sources should be added just to cover each piece of info given.

Overall:

I really liked this article and I think the writing within it is neutral, concise but also informative. I would love if you expanded on the existing knowledge though and talked about the books relationship to the amduat, each gate someone comes across, the goddesses associated with them, and its influences and where they have reached. You could also talk about appearances in pop culture for the book of gates. If it appeared in any books, movies, etc even if they were not great representations of ancient Egypt.