User:Historynerd831/Clara González/Mmarsy Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Historynerd831


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Historynerd831/Clara_González?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Clara González

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: There was a nice addition that included her participation in the IACW. I think overall the lead is strong and serves its purpose as a brief summary of the article.

Content: The original article is written into primarily one section titled "Biography." This draft now contains headers "Early Life and Education" and "Career" with the latter being supported by sub-headings that focus on Pan-Americanism and her work. The added content is relevant and improves on the original article that left events of her life too brief.

Tone: I think the tone is neutral and I did not see any biased claims.

Sources: The source mainly used for new information was Marino's book. The articles used in the original article are up to date. Links to sources still work.

Organization: New content makes the article easier to read and the sub-headings reflect major points. There are sentences that could be more concise or written to be stronger. The word "though" is written twice, but I think it should be "although" that should be used. However, these sentences could be reworded so that the word isn't needed at all. The last sentence of "Early Life and Education" could be restructured to read better or perhaps split up into two separate sentences. The second paragraph of the Pan-Americanism sub-heading there are two lists and only one sentence uses the Oxford comma while the other does not. I also would probably reword the sentence in the sub-heading "Entry into Activism" from "One of the first things that the group did" so that it had stronger wording. Maybe something along the lines of "One of the first actions taken by the group..." But that's more nitpicking than anything. I think overall the article is strongly written and is a clear, easy read.

Overall Impressions: Once again I think the additions greatly improved the original article. The original was missing key facts of her life that was added in with the source being Marino's book. The article feels more complete with this draft. The strengths of the article are the new information provided and the writing. I would only touch up a few sentences here and there. But I think you all did a great job!!