User:Honette/Major Rewrites

This page logs my major rewrites. My aim is to keep information short, sharp and shiny, and keep it simple for the general audience. It may also educate users what to include and exclude. Note: the examples below are not copy-edited! If I rewrite sections, I do not focus on grammar and expression (a copy-editor is needed for this, or I revisit my rewrites in a fortnight and correct mistakes).

National Anthem of Russia
Notes: This article was a candidate for a "Feature Article" status. It was copy-edited five times, but the article was still opposed by the reviewer (the lead section was cluttered and ineffective). I thought a rewrite was necessary rather than a copy-edit, so I rewrote the lead section. After the rewrite and a copy-edit, the reviewer supported the article for "Featured Article" status. Source A and source B. Davtra (talk) 11:04, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Before: '''The National Anthem of the Russian Federation (Государственный гимн Российской Федерации, "Gosudarstvenny Gimn Rossiyskoy Federatsii") is the national anthem of Russia. The song is an adaptation of the anthem of the Soviet Union that was used from 1944 until 1990, with music composed by Alexander Alexandrov. The lyrics from the Soviet anthem were revised by Sergey Mikhalkov, who had originally written the Soviet lyrics in 1943 and 1977.'''

After: The National Anthem of the Russian Federation (Государственный гимн Российской Федерации, "Gosudarstvenny Gimn Rossiyskoy Federatsii") is the national anthem of Russia. Its musical composition and lyrics were adopted from the anthem of the Soviet Union that was composed by Alexander Alexandrov and lyricist Sergey Mikhalkov. Alexandrov and Mikhalkov revisited the anthem and amended it to evoke and eulogize the history and traditions of Russia.

Before: '''Russia chose a new anthem in 1990 to distance itself from the Soviet past. Although "God Save The Tsar!" was used before the overthrow of the Tsar in 1917, Chairman of the Supreme Soviet of the Russian SFSR, Boris Yeltsin selected the song "Patrioticheskaya pesnya" by Mikhail Glinka. Composed without words and discovered after Glinka's death, the anthem was officially adopted in 1993. The anthem was unpopular due to its lack of lyrics and, in addition, it did not inspire some Russian athletes during international competitions. The government sponsored a few contests to include lyrics in the anthem; however, none were adopted. Consequently, President Vladimir Putin decided to restore Alexandrov's music and that new lyrics should be written for it. The anthem was created and adopted in late 2000, and became the second anthem used by Russia since the collapse of the Soviet Union.'''

After: Russia sought a new anthem in 1990 to start anew after the collapse of the Soviet Union. The "Patrioticheskaya Pesnya" lyric-free anthem, composed by Mikhail Glinka, was officially adopted in 1993 by Chairman of the Supreme Soviet of the Russian SFSR, Boris Yeltsin. The government sponsored contests to include lyrics for the unpopular anthem that did not inspire Russian athletes during international competitions; however, none were adopted, and resulted in the restoration of the Soviet Union anthem by President Vladimir Putin. The composers of the Soviet Union anthem, Alexandrov and Mikhalkov, were called to tailor the anthem for Russia. The new anthem was adopted in late 2000, and become the second anthem used by Russia since the collapse of the Soviet Union.

Before: '''The public perception of the anthem is mixed amongst Russians. To some, the anthem is a reminder of the best days of Russia and honors past sacrifices. The Russian government contends that the anthem is a symbol of unity of the people and respects the past. To others, the anthem reminds them of violence that occurred under the rule of Joseph Stalin. In a 2009 poll, about half of the respondents felt proud when hearing the anthem, but many either did not like the anthem or could not recall the lyrics.'''

After: The public perception of the anthem is mixed among Russians. The anthem reminds some Russians the best days of Russia and honorable past sacrifices, while it reminds others of the violence that occurred under the rule of Joseph Stalin. The Russian government contends that the anthem is a symbol of unity of the people and respects the past. In a 2009 poll, approx. 50% of respondents felt proud when hearing the anthem, but the other 50% either disliked it or could not recall the lyrics.

The Sims 3: Ambitions
Current as of June 12, 2010.

Before: '''The Sims 3: Ambitions is the second expansion pack for the strategic life simulation computer game The Sims 3. The game's release was announced by Electronic Arts on The Sims 3 website on March 4, 2010. EA has stated that the expansion pack will expand gameplay by allowing players to control Sims at their jobs. While The Sims 3 did allow for indirect control over Sims at work, it didn't have much effect on the Sims' lives. EA also says that the expansion pack will allow players to assert more control over the neighborhood in careers such as Architecture and Stylist. In addition, new skills such as inventing and sculpting will be included.'''

After: The Sims 3: Ambitions is the second expansion pack for the strategic life simulation computer game The Sims 3 which was released in June 2010. The Sims 3: Ambitions introduces new career opportunities and control mechanisms into gameplay. Manipulation of Sims' career progressions, actions and interactions during their working are feasible. Additional career pathways introduces a diversity of skill sets available for acquisition. These features, which were absent in The Sims 3, give players greater control of their Sims' career pathways, choices and lives.

Before: '''The Sims 3: Ambitions will feature career-based gameplay. During a preview, Associate Producer Grant Rodiek described several careers. Firefighter Sims, for example, will need to maintain equipment and develop relationships. They will be required to put out fires, rescue other Sims and clear rubble piles. Investigators, another career opportunity for Sims, will be required to solve mysteries within the game. Players will also have more control over their neighborhood through careers. Stylists will be able to give other Sims makeovers, while architects will be able to redesign other Sims' homes.'''

After: The Sims 3: Ambitions is a career-based expansion pack and introduces new career pathways. Such examples of career pathways include firefighting, investigator and stylist. Fulfilment of duties and tasks associated with careers are committed by the players. Firefighters maintain equipment, extinguish hazardous fires, rescue Sims from burning buildings and clear rubble. Investigators solve cases and mysteries by convincing or bribing Sims for information, breaking into homes for clues or stealing items for evidence. Stylists are hired by neighbors to offer fashion advice and provide makeovers. The success or failure of task and duty outcomes is controlled by the players.

Before: '''In addition to regular careers, sims who are skilled in the various skills will be able to register as self-employed at city hall. This includes new skills such as sculpting and inventing as well as existing skills such as fishing and writing. Another addition with echoes of the Sims 2 expansion pack The Sims 2: Open For Business is the consignment store venue in town where players who create items like paintings or find jewels and rocks can earn a profit and take advantage of their sims’ entrepreneurial spirits'''

After: Implementation of the Skill Careers features increase career opportunities and enables for self-employment. Self-employed Sims utilize their existing skills to create products, such as paintings, home grown produce or literature works, and profit from their works.

Before: '''Players will be able to redesign other sims using the tattooing and stylist careers. That tattoo system is complex and allows players to choose different shapes, colours and layers. The stylist career allows players to redesign outfits and hairstyles of other sims. Sims can be rude to customers and give them horrendous makeovers. These two careers were cited as examples of bridging the create-a-sim mode and live mode together.'''

After: Tattooing and stylist careers enable players to modify other Sims. The complexity of the tattoo system allow for players to produce unique designs by selecting tattoo shapes, colors and layers, and stylists design outfits and hairstyles. These examples bridge Create-a-Sim Mode and Live Mode, meaning real-time modification of Sims is practical for the first time in Sims series.

Fallout: New Vegas
Current as of May 16, 2010

Hardcore Mode
Before: In response to player complaints regarding ''Fallout 3s difficulty, Obsidian has added a new "Hardcore Mode". When activated, enemy NPCs take more damage before dying, stimpaks heal over time (rather than instantly healing the player), healing crippled limbs will require you to have a Doctor's bag and high medicine skill (otherwise a doctor will be needed), weapon ammunition has weight (as in games prior to Fallout 3), and the character must drink water to avoid dying of dehydration.'''

After: Hardcore Mode (optional) delivers a sense of realism and intensity into the gaming environment. Gaming difficulty is increased and encourage players to implement effective strategies, careful considerations in resource management, combat tactics, and high attention to the surrounding environment. These features include:
 * Delayed healing rather than instant healing upon usage of hand-held medication units (Stimpaks)
 * Healing crippled limbs require a high medicine skill and medical items (Doctor's Bag)
 * Ammunition weight is considered
 * Requirement of water consumption to avoid dehydration and death

Companion Commands
Before: 'Fallout: New Vegas is set to include a new companions system which overhauls the previous unwieldy conversation based system found in Fallout 3''. This new system is controlled by an interface dubbed the "Companion Wheel". With this interface the player is able to control their companion's actions to an extent, enabling them to order their companions to change their combat tactics, aggressiveness and passiveness to foes, the rate at which they should use the healing items available to them at and much more. Thus far this new system has been shown applying to the residents of Goodsprings, presumably non-permanent companions, and the Ghoul Raul, showing that it can effect both a single NPC as well as a group of followers.'''

After: Companion behavior and tasks are controlled using the Companion Wheel. Fallout 3 presented companion commands in a conversational text menu. The new Companion Wheel offers command execuation by selecting commands that are presented in a radial and graphical menu. Josh Sawyer states the Companion Wheel offers ease of companion interaction. Such examples of companion commands include setting and changing its combact tactics, its default behavior towards foes and usage frequency of available resources.

Karma and Reputation
Before: '''The game will feature a reputation system that gauges the animosity between the player and each faction which will have a direct effect on gameplay. The karma system from Fallout 3, that displays the alignment of the player between good and evil, also makes a comeback.'''

After: The quantity of factions prompted developers to reintroduce the reputation system that was absent in Fallout 3. The degree of faction loyalty influences the player's reputation. Reputation affects the behavior of faction non-player characters (NPCs) toward the player, and reflects the impacts of selected choices in the world.

Dialogue
Before: '''Conversations between the player and non-player characters (NPCs) may include different options based on the player's skill values. A new dialogue option may be displayed if the player's speech skill is high enough. Unlike Fallout 3, there will be far more morally gray areas in dialogue responses, with a combination of the reputation and morality (karma) systems having an effect on something in one way or another. Dialogue can also help raise reputations with certain factions or individual characters, which may lead to unique events in the game.'''

After: Availability of dialogue options with NPCs are based upon skills, reputation and karma. Skills have a bigger effect on conversation choices. The success or failure of speech is dependent on skill level rather than chance as seen in Fallout 3

Setting
Before: Fallout: New Vegas will take place in Las Vegas during the year 2280, three years after Fallout 3 and 203 years after the Great War of 2077, making this installment the chronologically latest in the series thus far.

After: Fallout: New Vegas takes place during the year 2280, three years after Fallout 3 and 203 years after the Great War of 2077, making this installment the chronologically latest in the series thus far.

Before: '''The game is set in post-apocalyptic Las Vegas, Nevada and in the Mojave desert. The city was not struck directly by a nuclear attack like most other American cities in the Fallout universe, resulting in less damage to the city and the degree of mutation of its inhabitants to be minimal. In a recent preview by OXMOnline, the writer describes the city of Las Vegas as a "near decimated" ruin. The Las Vegas of the Fallout timeline was unlike the one that is known today. In the divergent timeline, Las Vegas didn't become the decadent gambling capital that it is known as today. Rather, it remained as a holiday resort since 1950's. The teaser trailer shows several high rise buildings.'''

After: The game is set in post-apocalyptic Las Vegas, Nevada and the Mojave Desert. Unlike other cities in the Fallout series, Vegas was not struck directly by a nuclear attack. Its buildings remain intact, and the degree of mutation of its inhabitants is minimal.

Before: '''The city is divided between two main opposing factions: the New California Republic (NCR), based in the McCarran Airport, and Caesar's Legion, a slaver group based on the decaying Las Vegas Strip. Landmarks featured in Fallout: New Vegas include: the Hoover Dam which is under NCR control and supplying power to the city; the Lucky 38 hotel, a structure which resembles the real life Stratosphere Las Vegas hotel and casino; and the Helios One solar energy plant.'''

After: The city is divided between various factions. The New California Republic (NCR), Caesar's Legion and New Vegas factions are at war and seek control of the city.Landmarks featured in Fallout: New Vegas include: the Hoover Dam that supplies power to the city; and the Helios One solar energy plant.

Before: '''The game centers around the player's character known as "the Courier", who has been nearly killed by an unknown assailant and left in a shallow grave. After being discovered in the grave by a television robot named Victor, the Courier is patched up by Doctor Mitchell in a nearby town. The player allocates skill points, chooses its name, gender, age and appearance before embarking upon its quest to investigate the assassination attempt. Obsidian announced that there will be multiple endings for the game, rather than just one "man/woman saves the wasteland finale".'''

After: The game opening centers around the player's main character that is a courier. The courier, while delivering a package with unknown contents, is found unconcious in a shallow grave after a failed assassination attempt by an unknown assailant. The courier is treated for injuries by a local caregiver, Doc Mitchell. Thereafter the player enters into character creation (defining skills and attributes, name, gender, age, and appearance) before investigating the assassination attempt and recovering the stolen package.

Retail Versions
Before: '''On May 11, Bethesda Softworks revealed the contents of a collector's edition (CE) packaging for Fallout: New Vegas. The edition will be available to all platforms of the game's release. The CE edition is set to include these extras:'''

After: The Collector's Edition was revealed on May 11, 2010. The edition will be available to all platforms, and include:

Before:
 * “Lucky 7″ poker chips. Each of the seven poker chips was designed to represent chips from the major casinos found on the New Vegas strip and throughout the Mojave Wasteland.
 * A fully customized Fallout: New Vegas deck of cards. Each card in the pack has been uniquely illustrated to depict characters and factions found within the game. Use the cards to play poker, blackjack or Caravan, an original card game that was created by Obsidian especially for Fallout: New Vegas !
 * A recreation of the game’s highly coveted “Lucky 38” platinum chip.
 * A hardcover graphic novel “All Roads”, that tells the story of some of the characters and events that lead up to Fallout: New Vegas . “All Roads” was written by Chris Avellone, the game’s creative director, and created in conjunction with Dark Horse Comics.
 * ‘The Making of Fallout: New Vegas ’ DVD. This documentary DVD will contain exclusive video content, including interviews with the developers in which they take you from concept to creation and discuss topics such as story, setting, legacy of the Fallout franchise and more.

No word if there is to be an "uber" edition such as the Survival Edition included for Fallout 3's release.

After:
 * Fallout: New Vegas poker chips and deck of cards. The illustration of each card depicts characters and factions within the game
 * A hardcover graphic novel All Roads, written by Chris Avellone and Dark Horse Comics, explain the history of characters and events leading to Fallout: New Vegas
 * The Making of Fallout: New Vegas DVD contain exclusive video content, including interviews with the developers that explain from concept to creation, and discuss topics such as story, setting, and legacy of the Fallout franchise