User:HsdWhsd/Anniversary

Glenn and Suzanne Karisch are the patriarch and matriarch, respectively, of a family that is universally regarded as one of the most intelligent and good looking groups in all of mankind. The Karisches have enjoyed thirty years of successful marriage, although it's not like they go around bragging about it. From humble beginnings at a carb-loading session to hosting the star-studded wedding of their daughter (often considered to be the pinnacle of the life of the entire Karisch family), Glenn and Suzanne have persevered, raising four children and two dogs (let's not mention Dewey). Many volumes could be written about this mighty couple, but this medium is designed to provide only a few highlights. The careful reader will emerge with a full appreciation of the accomplishments of Glenn and Suzanne.

Suzanne
Suzanne Karisch was born Suzanne Muffin Wade on January 31st, 1955, to Herb and Ann Wade in the small ranching community of Crane, Texas. The third of four children, Wade displayed the biting intelligence and uncompromising convictions as a girl that came to characterize her later life. Because her father was an oilman, the Wades moved frequently during her youth as Herb Wade’s work dictated, living for short periods in Texas, Oklahoma, Connecticut and for several years on the isle of Trinidad. When Wade was quite young, she persuaded her infant sister, Rebecca, to eat a highly toxic castor bean. After a panicked emergency room visit, hours of near-hysteric anxiety for her parents, and untold physical discomfort for young Rebecca, she displayed no remorse. Many point to this incident as the moment of Suzanne’s ascent into womanhood on account of her steeled resolve throughout the ordeal. On a certain incident in the sixth grade, she recalls that her teacher admonished her for believing that “to sup” was an English word[citation needed]. She was never vindicated. No primary source reports of Wade’s life exist between the ages of 12 and 16—she is suspected of expunging her young adolescence from the public record. However, she resurfaced in Greenwich, Connecticut in the early 1970s, now a student at Greenwich High School, which in those days was a budding hotbed of the free love movement. Immersed in the wider counterculture of the 1960s and 1970s, Wade abandoned the Victorian rigidity of her upbringing when she became a student at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, reportedly taking great personal pleasure in listening to the iconoclastic single off of Phil Collin’s 1979 tour de force Face Value, “In the Air Tonight.” By the end of her collegiate experience, she had also embraced the subversive undertones of Michael Jackson’s Thriller album, often dancing the night away in the discotheques of Amherst, Trinidad and later Austin, Texas. However, Wade’s carefree lifestyle came to an end upon her graduation from the University of Texas Nursing School in the mid-1980s. As the “fresh meat” of Seton Hospital’s ongoing care ward, she worked long and inconvenient hours, often staying nights and weekends as her work demanded. Surrounded by the shrieks and sighs of the living damned—as she was known to refer to her patients—Wade became conscious of an absence in her life: true love.

Glenn
Glenn Karisch was born August 16, 1956, to Ruth Connett and Bill Karisch. He was raised in Hempstead, Texas, about 50 miles northwest of Houston, Texas. Glenn was the second of two children. His brother, Charles, is two years older than him. Glenn tried his hand at many activities, including various sports and academic subjects. After a discouraging incident of a football to his head, Glenn suffered a broken nose and decided to stick with journalism and marching band, both of which he excelled in. Glenn played the trombone for the Hempstead Bobcats’ marching band. During his junior year of high school, Glenn submitted a journalism sample to a competition held by the local Lions club, the winner of which would be awarded a trip to South Africa. He won the competition and travelled to South Africa. A few years later, he and his brother, Charles, would also make a trip to Europe together.

Glenn decided to pursue journalism at the college level, and attended the University of Texas at Austin in the Fall of 1974. While at Texas, Glenn edited the school’s newspaper, The Daily Texan, and might have gotten a B one time, in Spanish class. His years in college were marked by trips to rock concerts and baseball games, and a general enjoyment of Austin when it was still cool.

Immediately following receipt of his bachelor’s degree in journalism, Glenn entered the university’s school of law. He attended the Texas Law School from 1977 to 1980, when he graduated and moved back Houston to begin practicing law.

Careers
After attending the University of Texas School of Nursing, Suzanne worked in Austin as a registered nurse. Putting her children before herself, she left the nursing profession and focused on child-rearing. Her decision proved to be the right one, as Augustus "The Handful" Karisch was born and immediately started making trouble. It took all of her cunning, but Suzanne managed to steer him in the right direction. Indeed, all of her children became stellar adults, demonstrating Suzanne's skill as a mother. Once rid of the kiddos, Suzanne took up the mantle of public service and devoted herself to serving on the board of the Austin Waldorf School.

Glenn graduated from the University of Texas Law School and took a job in Houston at Coats, Yale, Holm & Lee in 1980. Using his new lawyer money, Glenn bought himself a speedy Mazda which caught Suzanne's eye. After moving to Austin, Glenn eventually settled at Ikard and Golden, then left to form a partnership at Barnes & Karisch. Growing tired of all the lawyers that "just followed the rules," Glenn started his own firm in 2008 and he has not looked back.

Glenn is regarded as the best of the best in the probate scene in Texas. He served as chairman of the Real Estate, Probate and Trust Law section of the state bar, and used the opportunity to crack some "reptile" jokes.

Courtship and marriage
Glenn and Suzanne were introduced one fateful night at a party. Glenn was lost in thought, visualizing each step that he would take in the morrow's Capitol 10,000 race while enjoying a plentiful helping of spaghetti for energy purposes. However, when a beautiful, polite (we assume) nurse approached him, his focus was shattered. From Suzanne's perspective, she first noticed only a cloud of blond curls, then realized that they were attached to a human head. She immediately decided that she would marry this man, as long as she had a guarantee that the curls would remain blond and bouncy for the duration of their marriage. The pair contemplated having a Lady and the Tramp spaghetti moment, but this was back in the olden days when things were simpler and more pure, so that idea was vetoed in favor of a respectful handshake.

After solidifying their relationship despite the cruel distance between Austin and Houston, Glenn and Suzanne decided to get married. The passage of time has not been kind to the styles of the day, but even the most cynical of viewers would have to admit that the couple looked radiant and happy indeed on May 12, 1984. They honeymooned in Mexico, and sources report that Suzanne dazzled other beach-goers in the only bikini that her children are aware of her ever wearing. Little did the newlyweds know what a glorious future awaited them in the next three decades.

Julia
On February 15, 1985, Glenn and Suzanne welcomed their eldest, Julia Elise "Sissy" Karisch, into the world. The only one of their children who was partially raised before the "Waldorf era," she was exposed to television and other media sources that were withheld from the other children, and enjoyed lording that over them. She, like her brothers, received her parents' sharp intelligence, which she used to dazzle and enrage her peers in the classroom. Julia stormed her way into Carleton College as a National Merit Finalist and graduated with a degree in English. Carleton also gave Julia her husband-to-be, Isao Jonas. She faced stiff competition for his love, but eventually beat the Boston Red Sox and won his heart. Following in her father's footsteps, Julia attended law school at the University of Texas. Following even closer in his footsteps, she focused on probate law. She and Isao welcomed their daughter, Brownie, into the world in 2013 and the three live in Austin.

Augustus
Flush with the success and utter joy of parenting young Julia, Glenn and Suzanne decided that another little princess would make their lives complete. Alas, the little prince who found his way into the universe shattered what numerous witnesses report had previously been a perfect and stress-free existence for the family of three. Augustus Theodore Karisch burst into the world on November 14, 1988, and began outperforming his older sister at sports, driving, and stubbornness within a few weeks of birth. Augustus got into numerous adorable scrapes as a youngster. However, when he began channeling his limitless energy and strength into sports, Glenn and Suzanne exchanged a triumphant high five, knowing that they had done something right. Augustus singlehandedly ruined sports participation for the rest of the Karisch children with dazzling performances in school and club games, solidifying his place in the Austin Waldorf School hall of fame almost immediately upon entering high school.

Augustus's accomplishments are not limited to sports, however. He left the warm motherland for the cold reaches of Lady Iowa, gracing Grinnell College with his presence for four years. Augustus graduated in 2011 with a degree in psychology. He decided to serve his country upon graduation, and scooted off to Hawaii, where he worked hard to make the rest of the family feel sorry for him. In April, 2014 Augustus was transferred to Seattle, where he became a grungy bike-riding dog lover.

Cooper
Cooper Karisch was born two minutes earlier than, and on the same day as his brother, John Wesley “Jack” Karisch on April 28th, 1993. From an early age, Cooper showed a propensity for temper tantrums as well as a skilled hand at a variety of artistic endeavors. One of his crowning achievements as a young child was the co-creation of a world of Jownnies, and the thousands of associated drawings, histories (oral and written), maps, and ledgers which accompanied the lovable creatures. Cooper attended the Austin Waldorf School with his siblings. In third grade, Cooper took up the violin and played as part of the Austin Waldorf School’s elementary and middle school orchestras. He also tried his luck in basketball and flag football, where he was successful but did not find his true calling. Instead, his high school years were focused on artwork and the extracurricular study of classic languages, as well as other hobbies, including sunglasses-collection and the memorization of the world’s nations and their capitals.

Cooper enjoyed great academic success at the high school level, and selected Davidson College, in Davidson, North Carolina, to continue his education at the collegiate level. In his one year at Davidson, Cooper has pledged to a fraternity, become a self-proclaimed connoisseur of cigars, and continued to get excellent marks in the classroom.

Jack
Jack Karisch (born John Wesley Karisch, April 1993) is the fourth child and third son of Glenn and Suzanne Karisch. His known interests are rugby, loosely-fitting sweatpants, and complaining about a debilitating injury he suffered while working out. Jack’s life in his prepubescent years was directionless, and his parents often worried that, without the focused pursuits and ambitions of his siblings, Jack would lose motivation and live at home into his thirties. These fears were dispelled when Jack discovered his innate penchant for growing patchy, unkempt beards, a pastime he views not as a hobby, but as a career. Another critical discovery of Jack’s adolescent years was the realization that if he had gone to any high school in the Austin area besides the undersized and Germanic Austin Waldorf School, his size, speed and latent aggression would have instantly singled him out for a starting spot on the varsity football team. He has corrected this oversight in college by becoming a rugby player at the international level. As the youngest, Jack is the family’s final hope for greatness, and his parents and siblings have groomed him from an early age for a distinguished life in public service, philanthropy and the arts. However, many of these hopes were dashed in early 2014 when reports surfaced of his involvement in an illicit weapon sting at Rice University in Houston, Texas. All quibbles aside, Jack remains a dedicated student of such esoteric fields as “Stat,” “Econ-Stat” and “Mathematical-Analysis-of-Econ-Stat-Systems-Stat” (the only recorded major in this field), which, by all estimates, should land him in a high enough tax bracket for all of those accounting classes to pay off.

Charlton
Charlton Karisch (born April 20, 2003) is the fifth child of Glenn and Suzanne Karisch, and a dog. Charlton has often been identified with the role of Sower of Discord in the Karisch household; his naming, meant to be an enjoyable family event, caused lasting feelings of resentment to exist between the partisans of “Charlton” and “Herman.” Charlton’s adorable, all-American veneer is a cruel mask for the gluttonous animal beneath. He has unrepentantly consumed in excess of $4,500.00 of groceries, cleaning products and art supplies from the Karisch home since arriving there as a puppy, despite the horrific allergies and infections which his exertions trigger, and the emotional trauma he has caused cannot be quantified. Now in his twilight years, Charlton has retired to a life of sleeping and finding dead animals.

Winston
Feeling a void that even four children and a dog could not fill, Glenn and Suzanne added a shy sheepdog to their family and named him Winston. Overcoming his timidity, Winston was soon bounding gracefully after deer to defend his mother's plants. His deer-chasing days ended disastrously when he lost a fight to a doe and thereafter kept a respectful distance and barked from afar at any hoofed beasts. Despite being the youngest of the Karisch clan, Winston quickly became Suzanne's favorite member. More importantly, he asserted himself as the dominant dog, although Charlton seemed to prefer grazing and sleeping to fighting for alpha-dog status. Winston is now over 70 years old, but he is as gray and white as the day he was born.

Road trip to Canada
In the summer of 1998, the Karisch Family took a road trip across the southern part of the United States, up the East Coast, and into Canada for a vacation. The trip doubled as an opportunity for Julia, who was beginning 8th grade in the Fall, to see some colleges and to start thinking about where she may want to apply in 3 years. Augustus (9) and Jack and Cooper (4) would be along for the ride. With stops in historically interesting cities like Memphis and Nashville Tennessee, the trip got its share of Southern flare before arrival on the East Coast, which included stops at the Vanderbilts’ Biltmore Estate, in North Carolina, as well as Duke and Yale Universities. The family enjoyed a tour (and samples) at the Ben and Jerry’s farm in Vermont before crossing the border for their cabin in the Canadian province of Quebec. Highlights of the trip included perilous white-water rafting, an attempt at a beard from Glenn, and the three boys’ first experience with snow. The local Dollar General, near the cabin, supplied the Karisch children with large gummy strawberries.

Critical reception
Sources close to the family report that the Karisch children are immensely proud of their parents, and appreciate the wonderful example of a long and happy marriage.