User:Hvkmbr0818/Kahun Gynaecological Papyrus/SpyroThePurpleDragon Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Hvkmbr0818


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Hvkmbr0818/Kahun_Gynaecological_Papyrus?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Kahun Gynaecological Papyrus

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

Hi there! This is a super interesting topic and I see why you chose it! I think your lead is an improvement to the lead of the original article. It could maybe use some information about where the document was found and where it is held today. I would check out this wiki article to get some inspiration for future work: Egyptian medical papyri. When you add more to the body of the article make sure to include an overview of the additional contents into the lead.

Content

The discussion of the contraception section is a much needed addition to the original article. The original gave too broad of an overview of tactics used by Egyptian doctors without really describing any of the methods. I think your addition finds a fine balance between being to detailed and being too vague. I would suggest using more variation in how you start sentences in this section. For example, the first and second sentences begin very similarly. The second sentence of the Contraception section currently says "The Column 3, Line 6 contraception method is often misconstrued..." but you could say "This method is often misconstrued..." as you had already referenced this line in the previous sentence. I liked the direct reference to the text and I think it would be helpful to add more summaries throughout your article.

When you say the "contraception method is often misconstrued as insertion of crocodile dung against the cervix," it might be helpful to provide the correct understanding so the reader can understand the confusion. This could be achieved by describing where the dung is being sprinkled in the first sentence of the section. I am assuming the dung is being sprinkled on the woman's genitalia, but I am not sure based off the article.

Tone and Balance

I think your article is neutral in tone thus far. At this point but it does not seem like your are making any unbalanced claims or arguments in your article.

Sources

The source you have so far looks reputable and is current enough. As you go I am sure you will amass a larger bibliography. Wikipedia suggests at least 2-3 reputable secondary sources.

Organization

So far there are only the lead and the contraception sections, but I am sure you will add more later. The original article has a history section, and I am guessing your Contraception section would follow it. I did not notice any grammar issues. Gynecologic may be spelled wrong? The way you have it spelled would be correct in British English, so you are probably right to spell it this way. This is in keeping with the original article and I am guessing its fine. As far as the writing goes, the only thing that stuck out to me was the repetitive sentence beginnings in the Contraception section.

Images and Media

I like the picture you added! I did not know that North America used to have crocodiles. I think the picture is relevant to the article, but I would make sure with Professor Johnston just to be sure.

Overall Impression

The section you added was a much needed addition to the original article. This is an awesome topic and I am sure you'll find good information to include. I am excited to see how you will add more sections into the article.