User:Hxnx/sandbox

Flint’s water crisis is a story of bad ['''You only give information for readers to judge rather than tell them what is good and what is bad. So, you should take out "bad"].''' decisions by government officials. In 2014, under a state-appointed emergency manager, Flint’s drinking water source was switched from the Detroit water system to the Flint River, even though this move relied on a hastily refurbished and understaffed treatment plant '''[You really need a citation here because this sounds very opinion-oriented unless you can provide evidence from reliable sources. Otherwise, take it out. ]. The state carried out inadequate and improper [again, these words imply your opinions. replace them with neutral words]''' sampling of the water distribution system, in violation of the Safe Drinking Water Act. Michigan officials disregarded and attempted to cover up compelling evidence of water quality problems and associated health effects. A spokesman for the Department of Environmental Quality stated in 2015 that Flint residents “can relax,” despite their expressed concerns.The mission that Flint faces is a race for life itself, a few unruly results from government authorities in 2014 may have gave the state more than a bad rep. From the person who was in charge choose to maneuver the systems water function over from Detroit to their own river, while the move was heavily recondition and not to many people knew about what could be fixed about the current problem. Officials who overseen this issue went about handling the problem incorrectly ['''again, avoid opinion-oriented language. You are supposed to only state what happened and let your audience to decide their opinions]''' and not being able to find clean water, became a major breach of the water act. Land administrators had no intentions or aims[just describe what land administrators did rather than say they had no intentions or aims] of dealing with physical information about the levels that the lead had done to the water and health outcomes. The speaker that addressed the complication said in 2015, the people could settle down and not worry" even though it was major liberation's regarding the trouble.

Wenqi's Feedback
This topic about Flint’s water crisis is important. I can see you are unhappy with what happened and how local government dealt with it. However, given the purpose of Wiki article, as an author, you cannot express your opinions or let your opinions influence your writing. In a Wiki article, you only state the facts, try your best to describe what happened and the data you have, and let your audience to make conclusion. Could you rephrase your language when you revise it?

Tassaun Nix
I think you did a really good job getting to the point in your draft. Your second sentence is really long and I kind of get lost while reading it. I also think you need to explain the water issue before you explain the effects of it and how the issue was being dealt with. But overall your draft was good.