User:I-Chia Wu/Ying Liu (刘颖)/Megluther Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

I-Chia Wu


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:I-Chia%20Wu/Ying_Liu_(%E5%88%98%E9%A2%96)?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Not published yet

Evaluate the drafted changes
Major edits


 * Make a lead section (please see "lead" section below)
 * No ":" after section titles (in order to make your Wiki page look more like they want it to, please use a pre-existing Wiki page as an example so you can copy important format points)
 * Is your "about" section a smaller text size? Was this directly copy and pasted from somewhere? Make everything the same size.
 * For sources, I see that you did them by hand. Instead, you are supposed to insert a "ref list" template and use that format. This will make things a LOT easier and will format the citations properly at the bottom of the page.
 * Instead of bolding things (ex, ICG), link these to external sites (which I see that you do in later paragraphs)
 * Early life section: there is no subject for any of your sentences and the information seems like it is just listed, please revise (ex. Dr. Liu graduated from ... and received a PhD in...")
 * She has won a large number of awards, consider using a template to organize them into a table as other students have done
 * I think Wiki prefers that you add a citation to each sentence, instead of at the end of a paragraph
 * The career path list is an interesting addition, but I don't think that is how Wiki likes it to be formatted. Please write this up as a paragraph and provide sources.
 * Please use the template for inputting scientific publications

Lead

I notice that you don't actually have a lead section. I do see an "about" section, which I think will translate well into a lead. Move that up and get rid of the heading "About Liu Ying," as the lead does not need to be labeled. Since you already have a list of the awards and honors that she has won, consider adding a more concise list in the lead section of the ones that are the most important, so that this section does not become repetitive. Now I am seeing that you have a "lead and major scientific contribution section," shorten this and combine it with your "about" section to make the proper lead section. The details of her scientific contributions should be in either a "career" or "scientific research" section.

Content

I notice that you are providing a lot of background info for the research she has done. I do not think this is how Wiki likes it. Instead, summarize only about her specific research and contributions. In the scientific research section, you talk a lot about what model organisms she is studying, but not exactly the topics and questions she is studying.

Organization/tone and balance

I think it would be very beneficial for you to look at a pre-existing Wiki page as a template, I used Dr. Swalla's and Bill Nye's. This way, you can format your lead and career sections so that they match up more closely to how Wiki likes them. You do a good job maintaining a neutral tone, but again I think you are writing about scientific background info that does not need to be included (see the first two sentences in the "lead and major scientific contribution" section). Your page would also benefit from an infobox, add one via the "template" button.

Images and media

Consider adding images and media to make the page more interesting.

Sources and references/new article feedback

It sounds like she has done some pretty impressive research and you have a good start on resources. My advice would be to find more resources on her if possible in order to enhance her and the page's credibility.

Overall impression

Overall, it looks like you still have a long way to go with your article and I'm sorry to lay on all these edits for you, but I want your article to be the best that it can be and I am excited to see how it turns out! Good luck and don't be afraid to ask questions and get more feedback. I really like all the links to both internal and external sites, consider adding more.

Grammar/suggested edits


 * Second sentence of second paragraph of "about" section: "After completed her Master degree in 2011, S he" --> "After completing her Master's degree in 2011, s he"
 * Second to last sentence of the last paragraph of the "lead and major scientific contribution" section: there is no subject in this sentence and it does not make grammatical sense. Maybe merge it with the previous sentence.