User:IAMSECRETootoo

You see, I was born in a rather unstable household. The rent for caves went tremendously high and it was only a matter of time before we had to move to the jungle. We grew potatoes for a living but one day our fate changed as potatoes were no longer in high demand. Instead people wanted McDonald's French Fries. Indeed it was a great shame and now i collect bones for a living. If I'm lucky, I find some flesh remaining which is normally quite rare. We live under an oak tree where I have some animal friends. Occasionally we get along just fine but those extra bones really create this dispute.

If you're wondering, my family isn't that big. I have 6 sisters who have disappeared and eloped with some fellow monkeys. My 9 brothers are somewhat cannibals, but only on Thursdays, when it rains. We like rain, don't get me wrong, we just don't like water. We prefer drinking orange juice and some beer if we have guests over. We made some new business partners who agreed to sell us wine if we donated some bones and we figured it was a good bet.

10 years later, the US Officials found out I was selling bones. They kept me locked in Guantanamo Bay. I couldn't live there, so in 3 days, i stabbed the guards because they didn't realize i hadn't cut my nails. They had machine guns but I had a decent stamina and I once I got out, I rented an apartment in a Cuban beach. There I save enough funds to buy a potato farm and Microsoft. Now, I own 64 mansions in over a hundred countries all around the world.

But then the highlight of my life came. I met this Bangladeshi girl who had huge black eyes and that's when i realised I fell in love. But she was married. I hired a few guards who killed the man acquainted with her but soon found out that he was her father. I dont think she liked me anymore.

Oh well write now Im writing this biography which may go off the charts. I earn more than 200 dollars per second and i'm teaching my son how to drive a truck. Hopefully he'll graduate and he we can carry on the family business. Peace. I love you