User:IBSloat/Gender roles in childhood/ReikaZero Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(IBSloat)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:IBSloat/Gender_roles_in_childhood?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Gender roles in childhood
 * Gender roles in childhood

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)


 * Children's Expression of Gender Identity segment is too argumentative, with personal values intertwined into it. Needs to be neutral.
 * In the Friendships section, original research is referenced too when it should not be.
 * The style of wiritng here is point proof comment which is not ideal for a wikipedia article.
 * Overall the content written feels as if it were an essay, needs to be more in the style of wikipedia.
 * The content does address a topic thoroughly though on an underrepresented area in sexualities studies.