User:ILBO7water/Jung Kang-ja/Reesepitch Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

ILBO7water


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:ILBO7water/Jung Kang-ja


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
The article currently does a good job at providing good background and explanation of Jung's work, but takes on a way of explaining that might end up being too much information for the final version of the article. It could be useful to come up with sections for the article, such as a biography section, a works section, and whatever else may be needed. This could help put all the information needed in the article but not have it all in one place, making it much clearer. For example, the current body section begins with biographical information and then goes into explanation of Jung's work. It could be useful to split these into two sections, taking the biographical information and expanding it into its own section, and providing the rest of the current section a designated and proper space to be explained.

Currently the lead is a good length and has a good introduction to Jung, but the language could be rewritten to be clearer and a bit more neutral

In terms of what is explained in the article, some explanation or background as to why that work is being explained in detail could be helpful, such as the historical significance of the work. Going into detail about a work while the reader doesn't know why the work deserves such detail may be confusing.

If challenging and resisting gender norms is such an important aspect of Jung's art, then this should have a more prominent mention in the article. Perhaps talk about that aspect before going into detail about her work, as this gives some helpful context when reading about her works afterwards.

There are several groups mentioned early in the article, so it may be a good idea to give a brief background or explanation of these groups. Jung's work with Fourth Group is talked about a good amount, so it would be useful to give an explanation on what exactly Fourth Group was, as well as explaining why she was a part of the group and why she eventually left it.

It would also help to explain the reaction to the work discussed in the article. Currently, there is only a brief mention of the media reaction. It may help to explain why this media reacted this way with some cultural background rather than just stating that Korea followed a conservative ideology at the time.

There are also some grammar issues that would help the article a lot, specifically lots of short sentences. It may help the flow of the article if these sentences are combined or explained in a way that isn't as abrupt.