User:ImTheIP/BalfourReview

My Review
The article in its current state appears to be a work mostly done by editors Onceinawhile and Selfstudier. They have done a really great job in my opinion! Kudos! I do have some nitpicks to present. Feel free to ignore them if you do not think they are actionable.


 * "the wider war had reached a stalemate" - What is the wider war? I assume it means World War I but I do not like it. Writing "world war I" is better, I think.
 * I think it is meant to distinguish the rest of the war from the Sinai and Palestine effort.Selfstudier (talk) 12:07, 5 October 2017 (UTC)


 * Dates! Last I heard, Wikipedia MOS was to write dates in the "October 3, 2017" format. Has that changed?
 * Onceinawhile (talk) 07:28, 4 October 2017 (UTC)


 * "Controversy remains over a number of areas..." - I know this sentence was written in this way as a compromise, to placate opposing viewpoints. But shouldn't the "obvious" controversy be mentioned in the lead? Namely that some people think that the British gave away a land which they had no right to give away?
 * Onceinawhile (talk) 08:38, 4 October 2017 (UTC)
 * Well, there is that quote I suppose, third country gave to another etc etc it's a bit inaccurate tho cos they didn't give it away as such, they would have had to annex it first to do that, instead they accepted a mandate that included the Balfour Declaration, signed off on by the winners of the war essentially. Then at the end of the mandate, they just walked away (in effect) and we know what happened then.Selfstudier (talk) 12:15, 5 October 2017 (UTC)


 * Can the language be dumbed down somewhat? F.e "precipitated initially" could be changed to "begun." This dumbing down is useful for non-native speakers and can perhaps also make pov issues easier to handle. Or "a renewal of strategic assessments and political bargaining"
 * Balfour day: "From 1918 until World War II Jews in Mandatory Palestine celebrated Balfour Day as an annual national holiday on 2 November." - The parallel Balfour Day strike should be mentioned too. While the Balfour day isn't commemorated anymore in Israel, it is still a day of mourning for Palestinians. this photo could be used in the article.
 * . Onceinawhile (talk) 13:30, 4 October 2017 (UTC)


 * "Zionism arose in the late 19th century in reaction to anti-Semitic and exclusionary nationalist movements in Europe." - I'm not 100% convinced of this characterization. Zionism was one of the many Nationalist movements in Europe at the time and was influenced by them. The driving force behind Zionism certainly were not Antisemitism. I think the "Early Zionism" can be cut down a bit as it duplicates content in the Zionism article.
 * Onceinawhile (talk) 09:32, 4 October 2017 (UTC)


 * The article doesn't explain very well why the British government was seeking Jewish support. Why was it valuable to them?
 * Onceinawhile (talk) 09:29, 4 October 2017 (UTC)
 * In addition, it is not entirely clear that they were in fact seeking such support, it may just have been a convenient wartime foil. Alternatively, a kind of religious based guilt, no one really knows the answer to this though.Selfstudier (talk) 11:59, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
 * The verbatim Cabinet minutes in the Approvals section sets out the official position at the time very clearly. Onceinawhile (talk) 19:13, 5 October 2017 (UTC)


 * I think a problem with the article is that the Palestinian POV is absent. Their opinion is that the Declaration was illegal and unjust, a document condoning European colonialism.. For example, Abbas has called for Britain to apologize for issuing it: "100 years have passed since the notorious Balfour Declaration, by which Britain gave, without any right, authority or consent from anyone, the land of Palestine to another people. This paved the road for the Nakba of Palestinian people and their dispossession and displacement from their land." The quote belongs in the article IMHO.

Onceinawhile (talk) 07:30, 4 October 2017 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure I agree that the Palestinian POV is absent although the modern viewpoint is not there as such, I agree with Once that is not strictly relevant, the UK government has come as near to an apology as you will likely ever see already by admitting that the Declaration should have protected political rights explicitly. Selfstudier (talk) 12:20, 5 October 2017 (UTC)


 * Perhaps mention the Nebi Musa riots of April 1920 which were attributed directly to the declaration?
 * If you can find a source pinning the riots specifically on the BD, I would agree they are worth a mention. Selfstudier (talk) 12:26, 5 October 2017 (UTC)
 * Onceinawhile (talk) 19:11, 5 October 2017 (UTC)


 * I wonder if current thinking among historians about the McMahon correspondence really is reflected well by "The argument about the interpretation of these agreements is one which is impossible to end, because they were intended to bear more than one interpretation."? Afact, the contradictions between the McMahon correspondence and the Balfour declaration were obvious from the beginning.
 * . Onceinawhile (talk) 13:34, 4 October 2017 (UTC)
 * Well it is a sourced comment from an eminent historian, there are other comments on either side of the argument from say, Kedourie or Friedman on one hand and Barr and many others on the other hand. While I personally agree with your sentiment, Wikipedia requires secondary sources and given the contradictory nature of those, I settled for Hourani as a middle ground in this article; there is a more complete treatment of the case in the McMahon Hussein article itself that would be a little out of place in this one (it would take up a lot of room for a start:). If one tries to come down definitively on one side or the other, then in short order editors will appear for the opposing position and it is frankly just not worth the argument in a secondary, although related, article.Selfstudier (talk) 11:55, 5 October 2017 (UTC)