User:Immenseseagull/Abbasid Caliphate/Butcherpath Peer Review

General info
Immenseseagull
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Immenseseagull/Abbasid Caliphate
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Abbasid Caliphate

Evaluate the drafted changes
LEAD:

It doesn't appear that you made any changes to the lead section. Your article is already quite developed, so I understand that you didn't edit every section. I think it might be a good idea to add a small bit to the lead section however, such that your very nice writing on calligraphy, illumination, and the more technical aspects of bookmaking are accounted for!

I am reading over the current article, and I think you could slip a few lines on manuscripts in the second paragraph, right after they mention the "patronage of artists and scholars". I have copied and pasted below:

The Abbasid period was marked by dependence on Persian bureaucrats (such as the Barmakid family) for governing the territories as well as an increasing inclusion of non-Arab Muslims in the ummah (Muslim community). Persian customs were broadly adopted by the ruling elite, and they began patronage of artists and scholars. [*ADD YOUR LEAD HERE****] Since much support for the Abbasids came from Persian converts, it was natural for the Abbasids to take over much of the Persian tradition of government. Despite this initial cooperation, the Abbasids of the late 8th century had alienated both non-Arab mawali (clients) and Persian bureaucrats.

CONTENT:

I think your content is very good. It is fresh in that it is not already exhausted in the current article, however it is still highly relevant. I am not sure how you were thinking of structuring your text in relation to the current article, but I think it would fit very nicely under the Culture, science and technology section.

Actually, looking at the article in full, I dislike how long the sculpture, science and technology sections runs on. Maybe you would be able to cut that section into two sections. One called Culture, and one called Science and Technology. I think that would increase the readability of the article as the content would feel less overwhelming.

Another small note: in my understanding, when you use a term which is then hyperlinked to another wikipedia page, you should not then define it. So there would be no need to extensively define things like "Kufic script" or "Amajur al-Turki" because the reader can just click to its respective page themselves.

TONE AND BALANCE:

I think your tone and balance is perfect. It all sounds unbiased and you have written very professionally. I trust that the info has come from a legitimate source before even verifying due to this professionalism.

I think because most of your additions are on technical aspects of bookmaking, you do not need to be too concerned with swaying a reader in a particular direction, you are more just informing them of manufacturing techniques. But good job regardless.

SOURCES AND REFERENCES:

All of your sources and references worked! Also, I appreciate how many opportunities you found to link to other wikipedia articles. I was able to gain a very broad understanding by jumping around to those other articles in addition to yours.

I would suggest maybe looking for several more sources. The Abbasid Caliphate is a pretty broad topic so there's got to be more out there.

ORGANIZATION:

I think your small section is organized pretty well. The one change I would make is possibly moving Bookbinding directly beneath Manuscripts. Personally, I find it more logical to learn the most integral, root aspect of something before moving on to text, then to illustration. But I think it could go either way to be honest.

I already commented upon organization of the entire article in the content section.

IMAGES AND MEDIA:

There are no images or media attached here. I wonder if you would be able to attach some images of the Amajur Qur'an. I know that I would really appreciate seeing that because then I could reference the information i learned about technique in my viewing of that manuscript. But I am not sure what the permissions are on sharing such images, so that's probably something you need to look into the legality of.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: I thought your article was great! I really enjoyed it. I think you did a nice job creating a little niche of manuscript information within a much larger-in-scope article.

I think to improve, the addition of images would be fantastic. Also, if you wanted to maybe include two or so more notable manuscripts in addition to the Amajur Qur'an, I think that would also be great.