User:Indislo/Censorship by Apple/Thomas Lazuli Quickdagger Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Idislo


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Indislo/Censorship_by_Apple?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * (see evaluation)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Censorship by Apple

Evaluate the drafted changes
I don't believe that the editor has added any content other than the reference section. Therefore, I will review the article in order to give the editor ideas.

The lead section contains an introductory sentence that concisely explains the topic and summarizes the following major sections. However it is a single sentence and it might be better expressed as a brief paragraph.

The content is relevant to the topic and is updated to August 2021. Technically it does relate to underrepresented topics because the article is about censorship.

The article's tone is neutral, despite the contentious subject matter. The only quotes are from people explaining why a particular thing was censored to clear up confusion as opposed to persuade an audience. However, there is room, if Idislo wants, to add opinions from both sides about whether censorship is a good thing or not.

The sources are mostly news articles, which isn't always ideal. However, the nature of the topic makes it difficult to use primary or even good secondary sources. It could just be an example of a time when there isn't enough sourced information to cover an important topic.

The content is easy to read and concise. If there are more examples then adding them would significantly help since all of the subsections, while well-written, are short.

There is not a single picture on the entire article meaning that there is plenty of room for additions.

The article is about prominent company dealing with a contentious issue that, by its nature, it is difficult to receive information about. The article is backed by several secondary sources.

To summarize, ways to improve the article include: Fleshing out the lead-in, adding content to the smaller major sections of the paragraph, and adding pictures.

While I appreciate the feedback and will look into adding content in some of the smaller sections, I do not believe adding pictures will add anything to the topic at hand. If I were, there were to be what Apple is censoring and take away from the article. There are links there to check what Apple did censor so that will suffice while keeping the focus on Apple's censorship as a whole--Indislo