User:Isaacl/On kindness

If you're planning to be part of the Wikipedia community, being kind towards others has better long-term benefits than un-collaborative behaviour.

Community perception
Every comment you make shapes how the rest of the community perceives you.

Engaging in discussion
Many of Wikipedia's discussions take place within a relatively small group, where it can be tempting to try to establish dominance through un-collaborative behaviour. This can include trying to drown out other views with frequent or long comments, denigrating the depth of the experiences or skills of others, or assigning dismissive labels to those who disagree with you. In the short run, this can be a successful strategy. In small groups, if there are enough people who agree with your opinion, they will often remain mute regarding your aggressive behaviour, both because it is to their advantage, and because it's unpleasant to confront others.

You may feel that your comments are justified: since others are misunderstanding your points, you need to explain them more fully and to each person individually. Your greater knowledge and experiences should be highlighted so everyone knows to give your opinions more weight. Those who disagree with you have a clear motivation that should be called out. But even if you strongly feel you are in the right, it is important to realize the others feel just as strongly that they are right, and to consider how you would feel if your positions were reversed. For example, when others repeat themselves in responses to different persons, are you encouraged to read each in detail and appreciate the different nuances? Typically it would be easier for you to read a consolidated response. You already learned about their qualifications once; no need to read about them again and again. Note others feel the same way about your comments.

Building social capital
Establishing yourself as someone with specific skills and characteristics develops the trust others have for you. This helps them weigh your viewpoints and know what degree of followthrough can be expected. (Note a given amount of followthrough is neither good nor bad, as no one should contribute beyond their limits; it's just helpful for those limits to be understood.) As others gain a deeper understanding of your behaviour and motivations and witness an openness to appreciate diverse viewpoints, they become more willing to engage with you on your proposals.

Sustainable long-term participation in a project
Collaborative projects, online or offline, rely on their community members choosing to work together towards shared goals. For this to be sustainable over the long-term, it's important to get along with as many other participants as possible. Opting to exhibit kindness as much as possible is an important method towards building up the social capital needed to collaborate successfully. It's not necessary to be confrontational or unduly dismissive when disagreeing with others. You don't need to prove yourself right in response to every comment that disagrees with you. It can be more effective to let others have their say and make a select number of consolidated responses, avoiding repetition. Being respectful and kind instead of rude is more effective in encouraging others to listen to your views and find common ground.