User:IsabellaCarufel/Social media in the fashion industry/JianiW Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

IsabellaCarufel


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:IsabellaCarufel/Social_media_in_the_fashion_industry?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Social media in the fashion industry

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Overall impression: as a reader with limited knowledge on this particular topic, you did a really good job including different aspects into to the page. There are discussions about social media, the history behind it (nice connecting with some major historical events like financial crisis), impacts of different platforms, and individual case studies. However, it might be a bit overwhelming at the same time since all the content are packed together and the flow of information is a bit disconnected. But it's always easier to rearrange things than actually need to re-read lots of actual content.

Really nice job! and I can tell you have done your research in the subject. Great start!! Im excited to see the final version of it :)

Lead

- the information included in the lead section is very informative and detailed. I really like the detailed information about how the associations between social media and fashion industry progress overtime. There are lots of great content! As an audience, I could definitely feel your knowledge in the topic and you have done lots of researches.

- as of now, the lead section is more like a history of the role that social media. There are lots of great detailed information with clearly stated time and events, but it's overwhelming for readers to engage and intake such a large amount of packed information all at once.

- maybe it's worth to add an entire new lead section to summarize what the page is about so it would be easier for the audience to navigate

- there are some 'jump around' in the lead section, I personally think lots of the information in the current lead section could be on its own section

Content

- for the first section, the flow is a bit disconnected as a reader who come from non-fashion background or have no knowledge in this particular subject. There are lots of elements in your first section. I really like the way how you combine socio-political, economic, and other factors that change the role of social media, as well as mentioning some key historical event such as 2008 financial crisis

- the first section is a bit overly detailed, but I think it's more about how you arrange the content rather than because of all the information you have right now is not important. It demonstrated you have done lots of research work and pieced disparate sets of information together. Now, it's more about how you want to rearrange some of your content to make easier for reader to flow and let the information flow more smoothly


 * Maybe rephrase needed for this following sentence, sounds a bit confusing --> "Retailers had to shift their focus to "classic" lines to recapture their target market, as consumers were less likely to take risks on avant-garde items. (Kapferer, 2012) confirms: "This economic crisis prompted the affluence population – the top 20% of income earners representing 60% of the market – to refocus on real value and great classics, and to pay the expected price."

- for the 'advertising through apps' section, I really enjoyed reading through the whole section! Adding Tiktok is such a good move since this platform become so influential in the past two years. As moving to finalize your page, one thing might be worth to consider is to have 'influencer' and 'fashion blogger' as its own section. I see why you put it under the 'ad through app' section since they are platform influencers, but it's kinda weird to have it parallel with other online platforms together

- for the 'advertising' section, it's a very nice expansion on the original content on this topic. I like how you have provided some statistical data to help the audience form a more concrete idea of the social media influence on fashion branding. One thing I was curious about as reading through the content is that how these brands are doing at present. I wish there could be more recent news or cases included in the individual case study since the social media has evolved so quickly

- for 'positive and negative' section, bullet points are super helpful for readers to clearly see all the impacts.

- the rest of the page, I think you might still work on it? it seems a bit incomplete.

- overall, really nice job and putting all the information into the page. It's definitely super informative for me to read through.

Tone and Balance

- the tone and balance sound pretty neutral to me. Overall is informative and I personally did not notice biased statement in the page.

- One concern I might have tho is the 'neg/pos impact' section, as of now, it all makes sense, but it would be nice to have more evidences or references to support these. Lots of the impacts sound like opinions from other research. So it might be nice to highlight that since it's not factual statements and people might hold different opinions. But you did a really nice job avoiding to make these sound like persuasive language.

- I didn't get the idea of persuasive language, all topics are covered to a reasonable extent.

Sources and References

- If I remember correctly, you don't need in-text citation once you properly insert all the reference to the system.

- another noteworthy thing is for the 'pos/neg impact' section, you mentioned about 'Some argue that social media' --> maybe adding some references here to back up?

- I noticed there are some reported errors in the reference, such as reference 1 and 49-50.

- I noticed lots of your references are five-ten years ago. Fashion industry and social media are subjectives both evolving in an extremely high speed. Maybe you could find some more latest first-hand or secondary references to ensure all the contents are up-to-date.

Organization

- all the contents are very informative, but the flow could improve by rearranging some sections and re-categorize some of the paragraphs. There are some 'jumparounds' for time, so it's a bit hard to the audience to keep in track of all the information

- for the 'advertising' section, the title is a bit confusing. My understanding is that you try to highlight particular brands and their marketing campaigns that launched through social media and demonstrate the role that social media plays. Maybe a title like 'Branding Campaign Case Study'? or something giving people heads up about the specific content in the section. 'Advertising' is a a very broad term for a sub section title.

Images and Media

- nice selection of images, I like how you have mixed of store photos, logos, and app signs

- some references are missing tho, maybe you wanna double check on that