User:Isabellalunads/Hunger in the United States/CooperR.Anthony Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Isabellalunads


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Isabellalunads/Hunger_in_the_United_States?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Hunger in the United States

Evaluate the drafted changes
The lead provides a succinct introduction of what the existing article addresses, as well as what will be included or changed to the existing article. The numbering of the two changes that will be made makes the additions clear, being exact in what information is not already included in the article and what is to be added.

The added content is very specific to Berkeley and a single food pantry project, which correlates with the topic of the article and provides further current examples of the descriptions stated on what is a “food pantry” versus “food bank.”

The content is neutral and statement-formatted, being very point-driven and factual in the descriptions and actions being executed historically and specifically by Berkeley’s food pantry. I do not think that the viewpoint is overrepresented being that your focus is specifically on one effort being made. Even so, the content makes a positive impression on the overall efforts of hunger relief without trying to use persuasion to convince the reader why that is.

I am not seeing any references within the writing, but I do see authors mentioned in the references section of the sandbox. I am assuming that since most of the content is historical facts or specific details of Berkeley’s food pantry, that these references will be added in as you continue your process. Make sure you check grammar and spelling as you go over your writing.

My main comment is on the organization and placement of the information being added. Looking at the existing article, I believe that there are alternative sections that the information can be added to that would make it more impactful and integrated into the article.

I think that the historical background information added in the first paragraph is a good addition that highlights the rising recognition and importance of food pantries as a form of hunger relief. However, there is an entire section of the existing article dedicated to the history of hunger and relief efforts. Your addition on the “larger initiatives” and events specifically after WWII could help support the information provided in the “21st century” section of the History in the US. I believe that the section you originally have to make these additions—“Private sector hunger relief”--provides more broad definitions on what exactly the different agencies are and do, whereas the History section gets more into details on the specific historical events and efforts made. Furthermore, the additions made to the Food pantries bullet point could possibly be stronger if the specific example of Berkeley’s food pantry is included as an example of Food Justice. From your sandbox, the specificity of Berkeley’s food pantry is placed in a section that focuses mainly on the broad description and function of food pantries and food banks. Possibly for more clarity, it would be useful to create a new section that focuses specifically on Berkeley's efforts as an example of food pantries in action.

For the second section of additions, I think that the information has good placement, as it ties into the discussion of discusses the actions of a college (UC Berkeley). I think that this is also where your information about the Berkeley food pantry placed under “Food pantries” would be stronger to keep the cohesion and clarity of the article’s development. While the existing info under this section mainly talks about the statistics surrounding food insecurity on college campuses, your content can further this section by detailing how some colleges are working to combat this "concern in college students."

Overall, I think that the content you are planning to add to the article will help further develop the article and support the needed extensive research on why hunger in the United States is so important and in need of more relief efforts.