User:Itps2022/Catharine Flood McCall/Zayne23 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Itps2022/Catharine_Flood_McCall?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Catharine Flood McCall
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Catharine Flood McCall

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: The lead is updated and does a good job describing the topic

Content: The content added does add more information about the topic.

Tone and Organization: There are multiple sentences that need to be rewritten. The first is "McCall, her sister Elizabeth (Betsey), and her father fled at the beginning of the war because he was a Loyalist. Betsey died abroad.". This sentence should be rewritten as "Betsy died abroad" is not a full sentence. The next example is "After the penitentary had undersold McCall's nailery, not sure when, she sold the business in 1815 to William Stewart, Jr., a guy they knew, who died with outstanding debts, no one is sure how much". The parts that are bolded should be removed as they are too vague, and they should be rewritten to sound professional. The third example is "McCall was sued for his debts by some people, claiming that McCall had not properly sold the business to Stewart. This seems totally unfair to McCall!!". The bolded parts need to be rewritten as the first part is too vague and the second part is not a neutral statement. There are also no references for the changes added to this page.