User:Itzmaxyang/The Coca-Cola Company/Snowboarder888 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

FoldingClient97


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Itzmaxyang/The_Coca-Cola_Company?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Itzmaxyang/The_Coca-Cola_Company?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

The lead created by my classmate has been updated to reflect most of the information that has been added. It could, however, use a touch more detail to better give the reader a complete and thorough outline of the newly added content. The lead's introductory sentence describes the topic of the article however I feel as though there is no need for two sentences. The two sentences should be combined into one with no fillers. The article's brief description, however, does a very good of clearly outlining the article's new major section additions. The lead, however, could be better connected in order to snake it more concisely. By this, I mean the addition of more substantive information or grammar corrections.

Content:

All content added to the article by my classmate seems to be relevant. It could, however, do with the addition of dates to show the reader the up-to-date nature of the article. The paragraphs do feel like they could use more content in order to represent this issue entirely. The article does not represent a historically underrepresented population or topic.

Tone and Balance:

The added information is, for the most part quite neutral. However, there does seem to be a biased towards coke production being somewhat negative. I feel the overrepresented viewpoint is the harmful effects of Coca-Cola. Do they do anything to combat this issue? Do they have a green initiative? ETC One could definitely say that the added information moves the reader to believe that there is really no hope of plastics produced by Coca-Cola.

Sources and References:

My classmate has done an excellent job of adding information that is backed up by reliable source information. The content does an excellent job of also representing all information shown in the scholarly articles. However, the use of other articles and more information would only benefit the proposed addition to the article. The sources are all current and represent all current information however, more updated 2018-plus sources could be used in addition to help strengthen the addition.

Organization:

The article's organization is pretty good for the most part. There are a couple of areas, however, where information could be clarified or explained to a larger extent. For example, it jumps from talking about the use of high fructose corn syrup to the effect cans are having on the environment. A connection between these two ideas may be helpful for the reader the better understand the article's addition. There are very few grammatical and spelling-related issues however, a couple of read-throughs for grammar would be highly recommended. The addition is broken down into sections. However, I feel the sections could be broken down differently to convey significant points better and information could be added.

Overall Impression:

The content added helped to improve the overall quality of the article. This intern made the article more complete and thorough. The added content helped show the reader the vast amounts of high fructose corn syrup to produce Coca-Cola. That the beverage company also contributes to large amounts of pollution as their bottling partner uses plastic packaging.