User:JCSmith123/Perseus/Booklover30 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(JCSmith123)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:JCSmith123/Perseus


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Perseus

Evaluate the drafted changes
I really enjoyed reading your article draft. I feel that you added in much information that is relevant to the topic you chose. I feel your lead section does a good job of explaining who Perseus was and some things he had done in his life. However, I feel that maybe you could add in a bit more information of the accomplishments in his life, so there is more insight to what the reader expects to see later in the article. What was really interesting to me was that he was the one who beheaded Medusa, so you could add a bit more about that in the heading. When readers read the lead section and hear in depth about some of the things he had done, it will make them want to keep reading the article. I did find a statement of bias towards Perseus in your lead section being "He was the greatest Greek hero and slayer of monsters before the days of the Trojan War and Heracles". You could change that to "He is considered one of the greatest Greek heroes..." to indicate that you do not think he is the greatest, but still giving him a title of being one of the greats. I thought your information added to "Mythology" was very well written in chronological order and supplied a lot of valuable information to the article. However, I feel that some of the section sounds as though you are in favor of his success, so I would try taking out adjectives about Perseus' accomplishments to make it sound as neutral as possible. I liked how you added in the section about Perseus in popular culture because there have been many novels/films made around him and his many journeys. One big thing I found in this section that needed fixing was the titles of the books and films you used should either be quoted or italicized. I really enjoyed reading about the Perseus constellation because I honestly had no idea that he had a constellation. One thing I would like to see is more information about the history of how his constellation came to be, as well as more information on the stars that make up his constellation. I feel that would be very relevant to this section of the draft and definitely be interesting for readers to learn about. I thought you incorporated many in-text links that helped me better understand things I was not familiar on.This is important to have in your draft for future readers in case they also do not understand certain things. I checked your sources you provided which verified the information you used. However, I noticed when reading the information in the sources you used, versus the information in your article draft, that it sounds and looks very similar in how they are both written. I would try to go through your article draft and put as much information in your own words, and not just mix around the way sentences are worded. Overall, I think the sections you added, and the information added to the "Mythology" section, provides accurate and relevant information about Perseus.