User:Jachar520/Pope Sylvester II/Trtwe34 Peer Review

General info
Jachar520
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Jachar520/Pope Sylvester II
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Pope Sylvester II

Evaluate the drafted changes
Content

-There are some repetitions between the information added in the draft and the current Wikipedia Article. For example, there is already a mention of Gerbert's knowledge of Hindu-Arabic mathematical concepts and the creation of the abacus, which already contains much of the information that you have added in your draft.

-The use of hollow tubes to track the movement of the stars is mentioned twice, and seems redundant. I would suggest combining those two sentences together, as they contain nearly identical information.

-It may be useful to add more context to this section in regard to who Gerbert was teaching, where he was teaching, etc. This may be fixed just by putting this section in context within the article, but I do not know exactly where this will be placed in the article, so I am leaving this note.

-More specificity could be used regarding the statement "he built a sundial that amazed everyone", as this is vague and its importance is unclear.

Sources and References

-So far, there is only one source cited, so more sources should be used to create a more well-rounded body of information.

Organization

-The first few sentences are unclear in their meaning. It is difficult to tell if the "substantial voids in knowledge" are applying to Gerbert's knowledge of his field or the knowledge of his peers at the time.

Overall Impressions

-As of right now, there has not been a significant amount of information added, so the information is pretty limited and concentrated to one small area of the subject's life. While adding more information, consider branching out to add more sources, perspectives, and information regarding different areas of Gerbert/Sylvester's life.

-The information that has been added tells a clear story regarding the technical and scientific achievements of Gerbert's early life and is mostly relevant (excepting the above criticisms) to his life.