User:Jackkirk18/Child actor/Alanabrent Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jackkirk18


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jackkirk18/Child actor


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * I believe it is a new article

Evaluate the drafted changes
There is no leading section to this article, and if this a new original article I would definitely recommend doing a small lead section to sum up what the entire article is about. It would make it easier for the reader as of right now you kind of have to be committed to reading the entire article to fully understand what it is about. A lot of this article feels opinion based. There needs to be a lot stronger and more apparent sources to back up what you are saying. Even the idea of a star versus a celebrity, thought I may agree with you, there needs to be a specific and reliable source to back that information up. Because others reading this article may disagree, and therefore your entire article could be disregarded. Also by using the phrase, "With this paper", and saying "I", it makes the article seem unreliable. It feels like a personal essay more than a wikipedia article. I would recommend going through and taking out all those instances where you input your own opinion and instead use a source to back up that information. I also like how at the end you talk about Emma Watson taking a break, and I'd go further into that. Maybe in its own separate section that is just about what those three actors have all done since Harry Potter. I think giving that it's own section will help to organize the article but also to show proof and back up what you are stating throughout that entire article. There are also some small grammar or punctuation errors, that could definitely be fixed by just proofreading your article. Overall, I enjoy the topic and the idea of the article, it just needs to be less opinion based and more factual information with proof.