User:Jagarin/sandbox

But from our vantage point last night in the press rooms on the fourth floor of Chandler Pavilion, where we watched the ABC television feed on closed-circuit monitors and kept an eye on the actual proceedings, the whole mess was like some kind of geek show from a carnival row that had incestuously multiplied itself into a gargantuan sequin-lined ego battle royal accompanied by a firestorm of ballyhooing.

Co-hosts Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn tried to keep things light and airy but the lumbering proceedure completely defeated them. The lack of mystery defeated the whole works. Bette Davis defeated herself in a demonstration of incoherent, raving cackle that passed for the announcement of Paul Newman for best actor that made Lord Laurence Olivier's gaffe in prematurely announcing the best picture two years ago seem like a mispronunciation.

To watch legends of their craft -- ultimate stars and ultimate talents like Davis and Olivier -- feebly self-destructing before millions of people is quite a nauseating experience. We were finally able to understand Woody Allen's aversion to this ceremony.