User:Jamesrjb7/2021 Kenyan constitutional referendum attempt/Ellanapack Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jamesrib7


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jamesrjb7/2021 Kenyan constitutional referendum attempt


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
I loved this article. It was super informative and seems very important to be in the public knowledge domain.

What would you like the “lead” title to be? I think it should be something other than lead?

Your lead could benefit from a little more descriptions for the reasoning behind the BBI, but I think it is concise and very informative! The lead should probably include more descriptions of each section and how they each fit into the whole, but it is very readable and well written.

Can you clarify the purpose and circumstances behind this? “After the Bill passed, a Constitutional referendum was scheduled to occur in Kenya in June 2021, in accordance with the Kenyan Constitution.”

Maybe voice using the passives voice as frequently? It makes the sentences more difficult to read and follow as chronological descriptions.

In the Background section, it might be helpful to explain that these events in each subsection all led to the the BBI, if that is what you are trying to convey. If not this section might benefit from more clarity on why each subsection is important.

Why is it necessary to include the section on “Reconciliation and ‘The Handshake’? It is super fun and interesting, but I am just curious. Or maybe explain how it caused the BBI process to begin?

I am a little lost as to the chronology and results of the BBI each step of the way, maybe include more if this in the lead section? And maybe outline the role of President Kenyatta in the chronology more distinctly there as well?

I think the impacts section is very fascinating. However, I would love to understand the public response more clearly somewhere in this article. It seems very important that public reception and impact is more distinctly defined. Your article does a spectacular job of being neutral, but it could be beneficial to represent reasoning behind both sides as well.