User:Jameswang323/Civic Intelligence/Maxack37 Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing: User:Jameswang323
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Jameswang323/sandbox

Lead evaluation
The lead is at a good starting place, but can use some work. The lead needs to have a better overall generalization of the topic. Should I just read the lead, I would not have a great understanding of what the paper is about. Other than that, good start.

Content evaluation
The content of this article is good and relevant. The information is accurately cited and comes from what I would consider to be recent events. The addition is solid.

Tone and balance evaluation
The tone and balance need work. A Wikipedia article must be completely unbiased and statements like "this shows" or "it would be helpful" are subjective and lead readers to a conclusion. Your writing must be written in a completely "matter of fact" way that does not influence a reader one way or the other.

Another thing to note is that you used a lot of run on sentences. This can exhaust readers and draw away from information. Also, there were multiple grammatical errors in regards to verbiage and punctuation.

A side note, I would not recommend using conjunctions in academic writing.

Sources and References
Guiding questions:

Sources and references evaluation
All of the links that I checked were usable sources for Wikipedia and worked. Well done.

Organization evaluation
The flow of your addition makes sense and should be good to go. Refer to the comments in the section about Tone and Balance in regards to style comments and grammatical errors.

Images and media evaluation
Not available.

Overall evaluation
I think you are at a great spot right now in terms of a starting addition. This is good but it can become great if the changes that I mentioned are made.