User:Jamfirstpard

Personal life

Jamfirstpard lives a sublime existence in Cornwall with his wife and son plus two pet T-Rexs called Otis and Jeff. He lends Otis and Jeff out for weddings, christenings and organising car parks in Chatteris brimmed with Roewes. He finds the N-word offensive (it's Datsun) and is a massive car enthusiast (figuratively and literally). He has also been questioned in connection with having indecent pictures of Fiat Puntos on his computer.

Religious Beliefs

Cream Teas are served two ways - jam first or incorrectly. Large steak and a can of Fanta.

Illnesses

Jamfirstpard has been ill at least many times in his life. He has actually been dead three times, two of which were fatalites, to be sure. The worst bout of illness happened at Gordano Services near Brizzle, where out of sheer desperation he ate a Ginsters so-called pasty and contracted TB. TB caused almost instant death, however the following week he was claimed to be "feeling a lot better". Three days later he died again but remained dead for longer this time. The coroner found traces of Shame and Regret as a result of Ginsters ingestion. The coroner recorded a result of death by Idiotic Causes.

Legacy

Jamfirstpard knows ice cream enthusiast Giles Walker who owns a collection of Subarus. They make the Legacy.