User:JanelleNDri/Baoulé people/Kpetrosillo Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

@JanelleNDri


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:JanelleNDri/Baoulé people


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Baoulé people

Evaluate the drafted changes
Peer review

Complete your peer review exercise below, providing as much constructive criticism as possible. The more detailed suggestions you provide, the more useful it will be to your classmate. Make sure you consider each of the following aspects:

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic?
 * Yes, I prefer the way that you started your intro paragraph off, the article is on Baoule people and you start off "The Baoule people are..." I think this is a really beneficial way to write for these articles and your version makes it better than the original.
 * I think you could wrap up the ending of this first paragraph a little more. It kind of just trails off after the languages spoken.
 * This sentence is from the original article "the Baoulé have also become one of the most widespread ethnicity throughout the country, especially in the Southern forests (the "Low Coast") where they are amongst the most numerous planters of cocoa, rubber, and coffee and sometimes seem to outnumber the local native ethnic groups." I don't think it needs to be word for word but the first paragraph is often a broad overview and to mention the fact about most widespread ethnicity and some of those facts would tie in nicely to your overview.
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections?
 * There are a lot of sections in this article so I don't think you need to list all of them but I would definitely mention maybe religion and the economy and since the "children" section is so long maybe note that too.
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed?
 * After reading the original article introduction and then reading your re-write of it, I feel very comfortable with the information you provided. It makes much more sense because of the simplicity you created in your re-write and when there are a lot of different languages and words that are more unknown to the average person keeping it simple and concise was very helpful. I do think you could add some internal links (when the words are blue and link to another article) for some of the topics you wrote about. Specifically like the "Kwa People" and the "Côte D'Ivoire," those are just two things that I think would be beneficial to internal link them, or even providing one sentence to explain each but still keep in brief.
 * I'm gonna suggest to re-arrange this sentence "This branch consists of around 50 different languages spoken by about 25 million people in the west coast of Africa stretching from Ivory Coast to western Nigeria. Most notably, in southeastern Ivory Coast, south Togo, south Benin, and south Ghana. The largest Kwa languages are: Ewe, Akan and Baule." List the largest languages of the Kwa after "from Ivory Coast to western Nigeria..." and then put the list of locations after the languages.
 * I noticed myself reading and thinking what are examples of these languages so I think just rearranging it slightly would be helpful.

Content

 * I think some of the subsections could be put together because unless each one is completely filled with content they can be overwhelming to look at and get through. I think maybe consolidating some then adding more info would be the best approach.
 * Bonu Amuen and Leisure could maybe go together, or make the special dance its own paragraph within leisure
 * There doesn't need to be an "other economic activities" just put it with economy, it's too small to make it it's own
 * I feel like you could make a "structure of the community" section and that's where you put education and politics, maybe even religion
 * The tools and cuisine parts just feel sort of randomly placed in there, I would say either add more info to both or try to consolidate into another section

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral?
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented?
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another?


 * I think all of the article is very neutral and not biased at all.

Images and Media
Guiding questions: If your peer added images or media


 * I would suggest maybe adding some images, especially of the art maybe the clothes and food

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * I think some of the things noted above will really emphasize the content and help overall making the article stronger, but so far really well done :)