User:Jassimrit Mohindru/Settler colonialism in Canada/Jmack2214 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jassimrit Mohindru


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jassimrit%20Mohindru/Settler_colonialism_in_Canada?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Settler colonialism in Canada

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Jassimrit!

Although there is not much added to your sandbox draft right now, I can tell that you have a lot of great ideas to contribute to this article. Originally, I wanted to write about issues of water scarcity and the current water crisis, so I am pleased to see someone else taking it on and contributing something of great importance to wikipedia.

The lead of this article is already pretty strong, but I think your idea of adding information about the current racist policies that exist in Canada will be a good contribution. Just be sure to add anything to the lead necessary to reflect new points you are making within the article as you see fit.

All of the content you are planning on contributing appears to be very relevant to the article topic, and it is all important information that the original article is lacking so your contribution will be a great and needed addition. I think adding a new sub-section about water scarcity in the Ongoing effects of colonialism section is a good idea as it will follow the current organization patterns of the article. When writing your contributions, I suggest re-reading everything to ensure there is no biased tone within the information as this can be a very difficult topic to be neutral on. When I wrote my article about Slow Violence, I definitely had to go in and fix a few sentences to ensure there was no bias. Also, I see that you mentioned referencing slow violence in your article and providing the link to the Slow Violence article, which I think is a great idea that will ultimately improve both of our work.

Regarding your references, I clicked on majority of them and the links all seem to work great and provided me with zero problems when trying to access the sources. Everything also seems to be fairly recent and relevant which is nice as you are discussing a lot of the current and ongoing issues of colonialism. You have a good number of sources and they appear to include a nice variety of authors, including many women's voices.

I have a couple suggestions as you move forward with writing you contributions. My first suggestion would be to try and add some type of media, whether it be pictures of graphs representing relevant data, as the article has a few pictures but could benefit from a couple extra that represent the content. Another suggestion, you have a few little spelling/grammar issues but I know that these are just bullet points and will be corrected when they are turned in proper sentences. My last suggestion for you is to try and add a bit more content to the colonialism in current times sub-section as it is a bit smaller than the rest of the sub-sections in the Ongoing effects section.

Overall, I would say you have some really great ideas and a good start on your contributions. Just make sure everything gets put into well organized sentences and you should be good to go! I look forward to reading you updated article, and having some more information that links to what I have contributed.