User:Jburlinson/draft John B. Cobb

Sorry for the delay in getting my initial comments out there. I think this article has many good points; it's clear, concise, well-written, stable and apt images have been chosen and properly notated.

I've made a few minor wording changes. If anyone objects to any of them, feel free to revert.

Here are some specific points to consider:

Lead
 * 1) The final paragraph states a relationship between the Center for Process Studies and the 23 centers in China that isn't clear from the reference or from the section at the end of the article. I have no doubt that the CPS has a direct institutional connection with the IPDC, but this isn't made explicit in the article. I'm thinking this level of detail might be a little better in the section on "The influence of Cobb’s thought in China" than in the lead.

Biography
 * 1) "Hoping to reconstruct a Christian faith more compatible with scientific and historical knowledge, Cobb entered the University of Chicago Divinity School.[17] He was successful primarily with the help of Daniel Day Williams and Charles Hartshorne." -- This seems to get close to a POV statement by the editor to the effect that Cobb succeeded in reconciling faith with science/history. Is there a way to re-word in a more neutral way?
 * 2) "This organization holds biennial conferences, the tenth of which Cobb is organizing in Claremont in 2015." -- A little unclear. Would it be better to say something like: "...the tenth of which Cobb plans to hold in Claremont in 2015."?
 * 3) There should probably be a mention of Richard McKeon's influence on Cobb.
 * 4) It might be worth mentioning Cobb's brief time as a part-time pastor in Georgia.

Constructive postmodern philosophy
 * 1) "Cobb was motivated by Alfred North Whitehead's philosophy to see both nature and human beings as more than just purposeless machines." -- This is a little unclear. Was it Whitehead's philosophy that held that "nature and human beings as more than just purposeless machines" or did a study of Whitehead lead Cobb to formulate this insight?

Revitalizing Christianity in a pluralistic world
 * 1) "As the gap between the policies of the American government and Christian teaching grew wider,..." -- suggest changing to "As the perceived gap ..." to maintain NPOV.

The influence of Cobb’s thought in China
 * 1) "Together with Zhihe Wang, Cobb founded the Institute for Postmodern Development in China (IPDC) in 2005 and is currently the president of its board of directors." -- This might be a bit of faulty parallelism. Suggest, "With Zhihe Wang, Cobb co-founded the Institute for Postmodern Development in China (IPDC) in 2005, and he is currently..."

General concerns

There are some aspects of the article that might pose a problem for considering it ready for GA status at this time.
 * I'm concerned that the article is based so heavily on primary sources, Cobb's writings and publications from his Center. Adherence to the policy on reliable sources is one of the GA criteria -- WP:RS. This urges editors to base material on secondary sources and minimize use of primary sources. Please see WP:WPNOTRS for further discussion. Sections that are exclusively reliant on primary sources include:
 * Constructive postmodern philosophy
 * Biology and religion, and
 * Revitalizing Christianity in a pluralistic world


 * In addition, there are a number of statements that lack attribution and seem to be based on the judgement of WP editors, thus making them OR or synthesis. WP:OR  Some examples:
 * "Although Cobb is most often described as a theologian, the overarching tendency of his thought has been toward the integration of many different areas of knowledge"
 * "Later, when the French deconstructionists (such as Jacques Derrida) began to describe their thought as “postmodern,” Whiteheadians changed their own label to “constructive postmodernism.”[25] -- The cited reference doesn't mention Derrida or specifically french thinkers.
 * "In short, Cobb does not conceive of dialogue as useful primarily to convert or be converted, but rather as useful in order to transform both parties mutually, allowing for a broadening of ideas and a reimagining of each faith in order that they might better face the challenges of the modern world."
 * "Cobb has also been active in formulating his own theories of religious pluralism, partly in response to another Claremont Graduate University professor, John Hick."
 * "Cobb's pluralism thus avoids the criticism of conflating religions that are actually very different (for instance, Buddhism and Christianity) while still affirming the possible truths of both."
 * "Cobb believed that through at least the nineteenth century and the first half of the twentieth century, American Protestant theology had been largely derivative from European (specifically German) theology." -- There are a number of other similar type statements in the section "Revitalizing Christianity in a pluralistic world"
 * "Cobb has taken a leadership role in bringing process thought to the East, most specifically to help China develop a more ecological civilization—a goal which the current Chinese government has written into its constitution.[52]" -- The reference discusses the constitution but does not mention Cobb or his putative influence.

I'm planning to put the review on hold to give editors some time to ask questions or to respond to these comments. I appreciate everyone's hard work in developing this article so far. It's definitely moved well beyond its current "Start class" status. It may not, though, be quite there as far as GA goes. Thanks for your consideration. --Jburlinson (talk) 22:28, 18 December 2013 (UTC)