User:Jdawson1925/Anne of Brittany/Hhalpern2412 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jdawson1925


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jdawson1925/Anne of Brittany


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Anne of Brittany

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Overall, I think that Josephine did a wonderful job improving the Anne of Brittany article. She added many more sources to already-existing, un-cited content, making the content far more credible. She consulted both primary and secondary sources, citing a large and varied body of reliable source material. For the most part, she also made the wording and sentence structure far more legible, adding to the readability of the article.

The new material that Josephine added is also indicative of good biographical work, the additions being neutral in tone and very informative. Notably, she draws attention to underrepresented aspects of history, mentioning Anne's disability and how this leg-length difference was passed on to her daughter, and incorporating Anne's sister Isabelle further into the narrative rather than letting her disappear after being first mentioned. Her few sentences on the primer commissioned for Claude were also incredibly illuminating, giving much insight into the education of noble French children in the period.

The only qualms I have with Josephine's edits have to do with individual bits of phrasing:


 * "Anne was trained from a young age to hide her limp, caused by a difference in the length of her legs, a limp she passed on to her daughter, Claude" reads a little clunkily. I'd turn the last clause into a separate sentence that reads, "She passed this very same limp on to her daughter, Claude."
 * The added information regarding the details of the marriage contract was well-researched and appropriately detailed, but "This was not to come to pass" is a little hard to read and sticks out as being written in a different register. I'd maintain most of the original article's wording for this sentence, writing, "This clause would not be respected."