User:Jed5z/The Hole (2014 book)/Nmorgan5 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jed5z, Rnh3u, SammyD 621


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jed5z/The Hole (2014 book)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

I think you all have constructed a very strong leading section for your article. I like that you introduce the content on the story in a short, concise statement. I do wonder if it is necessary to reference the themes of the novel in the lead, but that is not a big issue, I would do what seems right for you article. I think it is really cool that you all included the kanji for the title of the book.

Content:

My overall note for the article is that it seems like you all attempted to discuss many things within a small piece of writing, meaning the article is not journal length. I think that it is good that you all were able to find five different themes within the story, but I think they could be elaborated on some more. It's not that you haven't given enough information to discuss the themes, but I think that there is room to expand on what you are speaking about. I just say this to the point that some people that find this article may not be as well-read or insightful as we are (as honors college students) so the theme section of the article could benefit from some extra explanation. One instance of this is when you refer to cicadas in the section on transformation, but you all do not tell the audience how cicadas represent transformation. This may not be knowledge everyone that reads the article already understands, so you might just need to explain how the cicadas influence the theme of transformation in the novel.

I also want to question if the plot summary needs to be as long as it is? If it is necessary to have it that long then it need not be changed, but it is quite lengthy. This is just some things to think about from the perspective of a reader so please know that I am just trying to give my suggestions to really make the article perfect. I am not acting as though I know what is right or wrong. I can only give my opinion. :)

Tone and Balance:

In this regard I think the article is written very professionally. It reads like an in-depth review of the novel and I think the overall tone is unbiased. The only notes that I have for this section is that there are two instances where the writer used acronyms and, in my opinion, I think it would be better to spell out the words instead of using the shortened version. The two instances happen when AC is used instead of air conditioning in the themes section on Finances and when MO is used in the reception section instead of modus operandi. At to that point, you have to decide if your complete audience will understand what is meant by MO or modus operandi, or if something else should be used instead in that sentence. Another word choice thing that I am stuck on is if the title synopsis best fits the first section of the article? I agree that a synopsis includes plot and main characters, but it also typically includes themes found in the novel. So in a way I see the entire article as a synopsis. Of course that is just something to think about and if synopsis is the only title that makes sense to you all for this section, by all means, disregard my statement about it.

Sources and References:

As of the moment at which I am writing this review I am not able to open your citations. I believe it is because my wifi is acting up, so I will try to check again later to see if I can open them. From what I can tell they look to be credible (as my group used works from the same types of sources as you all) and they seem to be placed at the sentences throughout the article when they are needed to "back-up" your claims.

Organization:

As far as you all's organization goes I do not see anything that I would change. I like that you flow from plot summary, to main characters, to your themes. I feel that the article is laid out in a manner that the information builds and it sets the reader up to be able to understand your themes section.

Images and Media:

Although I do not see any images included yet, I think you have the potential to include them within the Lead section and/or the themes section. I do not know how easy it will be to find images that exactly match your novel, but I think anything that is able to depict what you all are talking about will be effective, even if it isn't a complete match. With that said I like that you all included a content box for the article/novel.

For New Articles Only:

I think you all have done a good job in linking articles to your own to further develop your meanings. I would just read through the article one last time before publishing to make sure you have linked everything you can and I think that is only necessary if you want to do so.