User:Jens Zautashvili

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Oh hello, I see you've stumbled upon my home, but while you're here, have a brandy. No really, I insist. While you drink pure luxury, why don't I tell you a tale? A tale from one of my earliest journeys into the unknown, the jungles of Venezuela.

Machete in my hand, I crept slowly into the temple of Kchatraschlaxh, a long forgotten Mayan god. My partner, William, had the torch, I lit my fine Gurkha from the flame. Deeper into the catacombs we delved, William called out, he heard a peculiar noise. Suddenly he was gone, the torch gone, the only light was from the flickering burn at the end of my fine, fine cigar. Acting quickly, I tore a shred from my coat and lit it, illuminating the room where I stood. At the far end of the room sat the treasure: The Ancient Gouda Wheel of Kchatraschlaxh. I grabbed it, weary of traps, dodging the bolts shot from the walls and ran for the exit. I tripped over a meaty mass, a Pungent Stench filled the air. I looked down, only to see a mutilated William; a putrid spew filled my mouth. I grabbed William's guild amulet, it is tradition to grab a fallen member's amulet, and ran for the exit. I heard a low growl and out of the corner of my eye, a scampering shadow. As it grew near, I drew my machete and swung; a sickening spatter now adorned the walls of the chamber. I looked down, and in the flame of my coat torch, sat the severed head of the fabled Venezuelan Vehement Sasquatch. It would look nice on my wall I thought to myself, and it does if you noticed it above my hearth on your way in. Of course, I am now a legend among the commoners of Venezuela for my actions, and have acquired great riches just for that beautiful cheese wheel.

Now; if you've finished your brandy, you're welcome by the way, I will show you to the door. Nakhvamdis my friend, nakhvamdis.