User:Jentxmgtd/LinYee Yuan/Elizrm Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jentxmgtd


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jentxmgtd/LinYee_Yuan?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * LinYee Yuan

Evaluate the drafted changes
My first impression is that you've added a lot of useful information. I think it works well to have the sections you've started organizing information into (eg. Early Life, Education, Career, Awards). However, some of the information feels disconnected. In your Early Life section, the last three sentences could be revised and/or combined to be more clear and concise. Additionally, I would ensure you are using consistent tense throughout.

The Education section is empty right now, but there is existing Education information in the current LinYee Yuan article, so I would check that you copied over what information has already been published and integrate your additions into that (if relevant). The existing information would also be helpful to introduce what Mold is, since in your draft you jump into Mold's transition to print without first describing what Mold is to begin with. You talk about her writing on a project created by Gemma Warriner, but do not say the significance of her writing. Right now, that section reads as Warriner's accomplishment, so I would further explain what Yuan had to do with it and elaborate on her significance. If possible, it would be helpful to have years for when she was a part-time lecturer at Parsons.

I would change the Awards section to "Awards and honors" since what you have listed reads as an honor, not an award.

Throughout, I would check that you are citing after every sentence.