User:Jeremy Chi/June (singer)/Hshibly Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jeremy Chi


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeremy%20Chi/June_%28singer%29?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * June (singer)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, I can see that the majority of the article remains unchanged from its live state. A few lines have been moved from the lead section to the newly titled Career section following it, and I feel that those changes are justifiable and were a good decision.

Lead:

I think your shortening of the lead section made sense but I also feel that the shortened length of it does not contain enough information for me to get a quick understanding on the topic. The live version's lead section has a bit more information, and while your decision to move info from the lead to the career section makes sense, I think you should've supplemented that change with some more information in the lead section. Maybe something about why people know of June nowadays? Or quick snippets about what he is up to currently and/or if he is still making music. Basically, if someone were to search up info about June on google because they just found a song of his that they liked, whatever they should probably know so they can learn more about a newfound favorite artist.

Content:

I don't have too many comments on the content of the article other than how I feel it could benefit from just more information overall. The change in section titles from Background to Career makes sense, but I feel that that additional specificity could then lend to possibly a new section specifically for June's history prior to his career, and then more information in both sections there to get a better understanding of the artist. Additionally, a source for his anecdote with his friends could be a good change, because the tone of wikipedia is meant to be more encyclopedic and unbiased, and while it's a fun tidbit of information, it may not be justifiable to keep it in Wikipedia without a source (I'm not 100% on this comment though, it could be up to Wikipedia's standards for all I know!).

Sources:

Not much to comment on here other than the childhood anecdote possibly needing a source, everything else looks good to go.

Images and Media:

I'm unsure if June is one of those artists who tries not to have their face be shown, but if he isn't that type then maybe an image of him would do well here. Or, possibly an album cover just to add some more visual information about the artist, possibly even just images to go along with the discography list at the bottom.

Overall:

Pretty good so far! I'd say just additional information that can be split up into sections to make the article have a deeper profile of June. By retitling Background to Career, I think you opened up a good path to adding a separate section just for background prior to his career as a musician starting, so just adding that and some additional information beyond what was already in the live article would be solid!