User:Jeremytorres1151/Pan-Africanism/Javij-s Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jeremytorres1151


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeremytorres1151/Pan-Africanism?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * does not exist

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Overall Feedback
Overall, this is a solid rough draft. I think that by adding a good amount of hard facts, the anecdotes will do nicely to flesh out and humanize the article. It certainly could use some organization, and a good amount of expansion and explanation throughout. It also fails to meet the notability requirements, so make sure to link it to more articles. The tone feels neutral, which is good, and it covers a lot of aspects of the movement. It is certainly an important article to create, and Im appalled it did not exist before this.

Pan-Africanism in the 21st Century
There is no lead on this article, I would add one, because right now the reader is just confronted with a wall of text. Currently the format of the article is not in line with wikipedia norms, and it provides little help to the reader in understanding the content. Some serious formatting changes would be very helpful, particualarly adding headings for different topics discussed within the page. There is also only one link to another article, meaning this article will be extremely hard to find. It would be very easy to add more.

The first paragraph is written like the introduction to a paper, which is not ideal for an encyclopedic entry. Rewrite as a summary of the rest of the article, and remove the immediate specific reference.

The second paragraph should have a heading such as education and pan africanism, before detailing one example of it. It is difficult to write generally about such a slippery topic as a concept, but I would rely more on things like public opinion polls and other data, rather than anecdotes as proof that pan africanism is an important movement.

Third paragraph should again have a heading. It would be good to specify how globalization is doing these things. This is also too brief a treatment of what seems like a very complex topic, the ideas of globalization and language connections are just sort of brushed over. Adding a more in depth explanation for why these are creating pan african sentiment would be great. Also an explanation of why the countries listed are at the forefront would be very good too.

Again a heading would be good for the 4th paragraph. Explanation of who the AU is and why the matter in this context would be immensly helpful, also link to their wikipedia page. Also this paragraph is very vague, adding specificity to the actions of the neocolonial nations would be very helpful.

Again some sort of heading would help. This paragraph contains good concrete information, and it is well summarized in an easy to understand way. More context, and a broader connection to pan africanism would make this a very informative section of the article.

Again a heading would be great. This paragraph feels like a leap from the last one, not really connected at all, maybe add it to the paragraphs earlier in the piece, such as the second one. Again the article kind of skims over details, and contains just one specific anecdote, leaving it relatively hard to understand whether this is actually playing a big role in pan africanism. Also final sentence feels totally unrelated to the rest of the piece.

Response to Peer Review
Thank you for the insightful comments! I agree with almost everything that you said here. I definitely plan to add some subheadings (maybe one on technology/social media, globalization and I think AfCFTA deserves its own section as well). I also do think that some of the sections can be expanded upon with some more concrete facts which I will do. I think your suggestion that I use polling data is really helpful and something that I will look into going forward.