User:Jeslyndv/Workplace health promotion/Cheynehoke Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jeslyndv


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeslyndv/Workplace_health_promotion?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Workplace health promotion

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: I think the information you included in your lead is great and necessary for introducing the topic to the reader. However, I think you could add an introductory sentence before the statistic you supply to introduce the topic first.

"Approximately half of employees are employed by small (less than 1000), low wage industries. However, less than 10 percent offer wellness health promotion programs due to lack of financial resource, time and hesitations rooting from investment return. "

This is stat is very interesting! I am curious though if you are talking about employees all over the world or in a specific country.

"A study in Seattle/King County metropolitan area, low wage workers compared to high-earning workers have strong links regarding risky health behaviors. "

Maybe you could add the year the study was conducted to give the reader a better frame of reference for when this information was discovered.

It was also revealed in the Seattle/King County metropolitan area study how although the large impact of chronic disease are prevalent in low-wage workers, high earners are the group who are more inclined in participating in work health promotion. Low wage industries were found to have barriers including awareness, working conditions, and management.

"large impact of chronic disease are prevalent in low-wage workers"

I think this part is a little redundant because large impact can be the same as high prevalence (maybe revise?)

The largest debate in the study rooted from the issue of cost. ( Maybe repeat the name of the study to clarify for the reader since this is a different paragraph)

"The first cost revealed of economic and/or financial incentive." (Im confused what this means?)( maybe you mean 'is')

"Both gender and racial discrimination link towards lower wage workers where women and ethnic minorities contribute to low wage earner statistics." (instead of link towards you could say are linked to because the wording is a little confusing)

Overall your article is great! Very informative! I thought your tone was neutral as well. I think there are some minor changes to be done like revising some confusing sentences and clarifying some important points but overall I liked it a lot@