User:Jessicaisyijhen/Emmett McBain/Lemonnsamm Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jessicaisyijhen


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Emmett McBain  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jessicaisyijhen/Emmett_McBain?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jessicaisyijhen/Emmett_McBain?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

I think you have a lot of really good content with current and reliable sources, there seems to be a lot to cover with this artist! I would just organize it a little clearer, the writing seems to bounce around a little bit. Just because the starting paragraph goes into his schooling immediately, so many just switching it around so we know what medium he works in, and then going into his education? Unless this topic is about his education, which isn't made clear under the "biography" label.

I think the text is easy to understand though, especially the second paragraph where you discuss the ad agency he joins and works in, I just think there needs to be more in-between pieces, which should just come while you continue in the writing!