User:Jessyca Zanetti/Jeferson Tenório/Smlavering Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jessyca Zanetti


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Mikaela45/sandbox


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeferson_Ten%C3%B3rio

Evaluate the drafted changes
I know this is a translation assignment for you guys, but I'll provide feedback as if it was a normal written assignment for what is going well and what could be improved.

Lead/Content:
-I like the fact that the section of his writing career starts with a description of his studies and degrees. This sets up his qualifications as a writer, and is important for readers to know from the beginning.

-Just the write amount of detail is included, without veering off on too many tangents

-Maybe include a subsection about his literary works for organization purposes.

-Content is up to date, especially including an interview from 2 years ago.

-Could include a bit more of a description about the literary works.

Tone and Balance:
-Tone is neutral for the career section, and is informative without presenting any attempts to convince/persuade reader of a certain point of view.

-Excellent job at providing Tenório's own comments on the activism part, as that could be especially tricky to write about in a purely informative matter without providing your own feelings.

-Could include any events or organizations he participates in to raise racial awareness.

Sources and References:
-References all seem to be in order with working links.

-All paragraphs have at least one reference providing solid credibility.

-There is a source of questionable reliability from "O Globo" that could present bias. Perhaps looking for a new scholarly article would be best as a reference.

-Sources are current, many being from 2022, and are from a wide variety of websites/journals which shows a greater depth of research was performed, and that not all the information was gathered from one reference.

Organization:
-Should say "bachelor's degree in Portuguese" instead of "bachelor in Portuguese" in first paragraph.

-Confusing sentence starts with "With [degrees], he also has a PhD...". Did you mean to include a comment about what he's done with those degrees? Or should you just begin the sentence with "He earned...".

-"Got" is a little informal in 2nd paragraph

-In the last paragraph of writing career, the two contests/events in parentheses should have all the important words capitalized (Poems on the Bus; Poems on the Train) and (Book Fair).

Overall Impressions:
-I think you guys are doing an excellent job of translating from Portuguese to English, which is especially tough having to reword and restructure sentences to clearly communicate the same idea. It will be important to remember to change up the organization as you see fit and remember that the source article is not perfect. For example, organizing a subsection specifically about his books and including more details on those would be beneficial for the organization of the article. The translation is well done, and communicates the same ideas and information as the original Portuguese article.