User:Jiayi Yan/Li Wenyi/Vmrtz Peer Review

General info
Jiayi Yan
 * Whose work are you reviewing?

n/a
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jiayi Yan/Li Wenyi
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead:


 * "Li Wenyi (李文宜 1903-1997), born in Wuhan, Hubei, graduated from Hubei Nü Zi Shi Fan Xue Xiao (Hubei Girls’ School of Education), [is a] Chinese woman activist, politician."


 * "Her activism begun as early as 1922 as she started to get involved in Women's Movement Alliance (WMA) to advocate for women's equal rights and political participation in China, promoting female labor protection and education equality."
 * this part appears a bit vague; I would suggest just mentioning it began in 1922 since that's when her Preliminary Attempt was
 * suggestion: "...began in 1922 with her involvement in..."
 * The lead covers the article's main sections well!
 * I do feel like the last sentence is not completely neutral, though.
 * suggestion: get rid of tireless and unwavering

Content


 * I found all the content to be relevant and up to date.
 * While I believe that all your content does belong into the article, I would suggest reading through and potentially concising some of your sentences as they may be a bit long! I feel your style in writing in the article was more essay-like, so I would recommend you re-write it to be more straightforward.
 * ex. [found in A Breakthrough: The Women's Day Celebration]
 * "To expand this group, she approached Zhong Shaoqin, director-general of the local Young Women's Christian Association (YWCA), who agreed to merge the reading group with the YWCA, renaming it the Career Women's Community (CWC)"
 * I suggest breaking this into two separate sentences:
 * "In an effort to expand her group, Li approached Zhong Shaoqin, director-general of the local Young Women's Christian Association (YMCA). Zhong helped the growth of Li's reading group by merging it with the YMCA, renaming it the Career Women's Community (CWC)."
 * Another sentence I suggest re-writing: [found in Turning Point: Break from YMCA, Move toward CWA)
 * "However, CWC’s success and popularity entailed resentment from the YWCA, resulting in its exclusion from YWCA’s decision-making, in response to which CWC was renamed as Joy Group to assert its independence without causing disturbance within YWCA."
 * "Constantly working for YWCA without being paid or included in the decision-making process, Joy Group broke from YWCA and lost its legal status, therefore couldn’t get involved in Kunming’s public activities alone."
 * Found in Late Stage Activism
 * "Notably, Li Wenyi expressed dissent regarding the dominance of CCP women leaders within the federation"
 * I would suggest either getting rid of this sentence or elaborating on it (like did she do anything to minimize their dominance?)

Tone and Balance

 * Yes, I found the content added to be neutral!

Images and Media

 * No images were added

New Article

 * notability requirements met!
 * good breakdown on her activism!
 * good use of hyper-links to other articles!

Overall, Good Job!! I appreciate reading your article! Your extensive research is shown well on the topic. I would just suggest going back and ensuring your sentences are more direct. Also, minor grammatical/spelling errors.