User:Jillian DeGrie/The Factory (book)/Mar318ie Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Jillian_DeGrie, Nmorgan5, FatimaRazzaq)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jillian DeGrie/The Factory (book)


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi guyss! Here are some suggestions, feel free to use or not use whatever you want!

Lead

 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed? - The Lead is concise. I think that you could add a little more, though (next bullet point)


 * Does the lead include a brief description of the article's major sections? - The Lead covers most of the article, but I'd get a better idea of the content if it was more specific. For example, instead of saying "three characters", it wouldn't hurt to explicitly name these main characters. Maybe one sentence each about the book's structure and theme would help the Lead, too.

Content

 * Is the content added relevant to the topic? - Overall, yes! The only section that I'm unsure about is "Kafkaesque". While I'm sure that this style is true to The Factory, it seems like more of an interpretation than a fact. Do you have a reference that explicitly cites Kafka as an inspiration for the novel?
 * Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics? - Yes (socioeconomics; working class).

Tone and Balance

 * Is the content added neutral? - Yes, I think so. The only section in which this ~might~ be a problem is under "Japanese Proletarian Literature", where Marxism is mentioned. I think it's fine, though.

Sources and References

 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic? - Yes, and there are a good variety of book reviews and research articles.
 * Does the content accurately reflect what the cited sources say? - Going back to the "Kafkaesque" section-- the sentence "The novel's strange imagery and nonlinear writing structure invoke the imagination like Kafka's works do" doesn't match reference 10, "Kafkaesque worlds in real time". I haven't accessed the full article, but it seems more centered around Kafka than The Factory.

All the other links seem relevant and clickable, though :)

Organization

 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? - There are a few really minor ones, which I'll list below:
 * very first sentence of the Lead: "The Factory is a novel written by Japanese author Hiroko Oyamada is a Japanese proletarian novella." Should be changed to: "The Factory, written by Hiroko Oyamada, is a Japanese Proletarian novella." Probably just typed too fast:-)
 * from the "Setting" section: "The setting of the factory is mysterious in nature(.) seeing as There is a randomly placed bridge that goes over a body of water and the animals found within the compound act strangely and seem to be different from normal animals." This sentence might flow better if it were split into two.
 * from "Plot Summary": "At the beginning, she feels like she was is undeserving of working in such an important place as the factory." (Tense agreement)
 * "Occasionally she eats lunch with work friends or her brother and his girlfriend." (Added a comma)
 * "He is an academic previously studying at a university until he is recruited by the factory to work as a moss specialist." Did he study at a university before becoming an academic? The structure is a little weird, I'd suggest writing instead: "Before he is recruited by the factory to work as a moss specialist, he is a university student." Or something like that
 * "When he attends what he believes to be an interview for the job with Goto, he is told (that) his university has already coordinated his job and (that) the meeting is just purpose of the meeting is to start planning."
 * "He is given complete control over the his work (green-roofing) with no deadlines."
 * "...a grandfather and grandson duo approach Furufue at his home to present him with the research Hikaru Samukawa, the grandson, had conducted about the animals..." Could be more concise: "Hikaru Samukawa and his grandfather approach Furfue with research..."
 * "Towards the end of the novel, Furufue almost photographs Yoshiko Ushiyama while (he/she is) studying birds." Unclear in this sentence who the person studying birds is (IM SORRY THAT IM BEING SO PICKY)
 * "Furufue comes to the realization that he has had no lasting impact on the factory and (that) his job is has seemingly been completed without him."
 * "Comparatively, this job demotes him he sits at a desk all day proofreading nonsensical documents until he falls asleep. (Replaced the comma with a semicolon to separate two independent clauses)
 * "He tries to be grateful for his job, but he misses working with computers and feels (that or like) he is wasted potential."
 * " During his free time he spends time with his girlfriend He spends his free time with his girlfriend, much to the dismay of his sister Yoshiko." (conciseness)
 * From "Main Characters": "Yoshio Furufue is a an academic"
 * "He shows doubt in his ability to perform the vague tasks asked of him because he's just a student researcher, and is not a professional bryologist(.) In the novel he is stated as going from a researcher to a corporate scientist. (run-on sentence)
 * From "Structure": "Hiroko Oyamada’s novella switches between first person perspectives of the three main characters however, there is no identifying signal for each shift." (Semicolon or period needed)
 * "Yoshiko comes to the realization (that) she actually does not want to work, and (that) life means much more."

Images and Media

 * "Does the article include images that enhance understanding of the topic?" - Yes! I like the inclusion of the factory picture. While the blackbird photo is nice, I feel like it's more of a stretch. Unlike the description of Factory Shags, the birds in the photo seem neither large nor flightless (to me).

Overall Impressions
Besides some grammatical errors (sorry again that I hammered on that), you guys have a really sound article! All the references and necessary information are included. I don't know if someone did this on purpose, but I like that the "Setting" section ended on a humorous detail without straying from the content. Overall, the article is really well-informed... kinda makes me wanna go read the book now, too

-Leah :~)