User:Jmacmac/Landon Mackenzie/Cstanton19 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jmacmac


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Draft:Jmacmac/Landon Mackenzie


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Landon Mackenzie

Lead Section:
The lead sentences do a good job of letting me know who Landon Mackenzie is and what she does. I don't think the term emerita is necessary to add as she is a professor and I haven't seen the diction that she is a female professor used in other wikipedia articles before.

Early life and education:
The section you are adding for Mackenzie's early life is informative and it was a good choice to add that to the existing article. The article does feel neutral but I would think about either removing or rewording the quotations as they feel biased. Otherwise it is a great addition to the article and is needed. The sentence here: Mackenzie has credited the mentorship of the Painter's 11's Harold Town, a friend of her parents and neighbour of her grandmother as being one of her inspirations around her decision to pursue a career as an artist, she has said "I went into Harold's studio and I just thought 'I want this'" is a bit long and feels like a run on sentence. As I mentioned above I would just look at getting rid of the quote or reworking that sentence to be shorter and more concise.

What are you planning on adding?
Are you planning on expanding about Mackenzies work for the Olympics? And you should think about cutting the section mentioning the work commissioned for the Olympics in the Career section and just have it in the Olympic one.

Will you be adding a section devoted to her art work? (so a section titled Art)

Are you thinking about adding any photographs of Mackenzie's work?

Overall thoughts:
I think the contribution you are adding to the article is useful and well done. I would just look at adding more citations (which I can see you've marked to do and look at re wording some sentences that come across as biased for Mackenzie. There also is a spelling mistake "She earned a Bachelor's if Fine Arts degree" and should be in instead of if. I'm curious about this sentence here: Aware of the limits placed on many female artists, Mackenzie used her name "Landon", which is commonly used as boys name, to her advantage in the early years of her career, as she has said "people thought I was a guy" and I would love for my expansion on this as it feels important to Mackenzie as an artist and her career and should have more written about how she used a more boyish name to help her career.