User:Jnordhoff13/South Africa–Sweden relations/ArielleTLevy Peer Review

General info

 * The topic chosen seems very interesting, especially the piece about Swedish involvement in supporting the anti-apartheid South African movement. The structure needs some readjustment. The current involvement section needs to go at the end of the article. The early beginnings need to be at the beginning of the article. Broader context could either go at the beginning of the article or towards the end. However, it feels a bit misplaced in the middle of the article. I think adding pictures and links would add a lot to the article. For example when you discuss Olaf Palme, add a picture of him with a clear label, and a link to another wikipedia article about him. This allows readers to follow the article more easily. It seems like you know how to do this but haven’t gotten around to it yet because you did follow this structure in the first part of the article. In terms of sources, you cite a lot of sources for the information you have compiled thus far. The sources seem legitimate and well researched. I advise you to add more citations for the first part of the article (before “South-Africa Sweden relations refers..”).   In terms of expanding certain sections, I would expand quite a few. I’m assuming you know this as this is merely a rough draft. Mainly, I would work on the sections about Swedish pushback and official action. In terms of the Swedish pushback section, you write “Swedish businesses [had] interests in South Africa..” I think this is an interesting point that deserves expansion. What kinds of business were they pursuing? Does this imply that Swedish intervention with their socialist agenda was a facade and that they had purely economic incentives to intervene?  Since you have a section about Olaf Palme, maybe expand it to a section about Palme and Mandela. Did they ever meet? Were formal agreements between the two signed? What about meetings between other leaders (perhaps the pro-apartheid government and Swedish officials?) I see you write that, “ANC president Oliver Tambo at the Swedish People's Parliament against Apartheid,” however, I can't help but feel that there must’ve been past or future meetings between various groups. I think you have written a great article to expand and there are many directions to expand into.   Last point, the article seems very neutral, interesting, and well cited! Good rough draft! I am excited to read the final draft!

Evaluate the drafted changes
Clearly, you have already expanded your article immensely. By looking at the original article, it is quite lacking in information and credibly sources. Keeping the map and table from it may add to your articles aesthetic.

Response to Peer Review
I really appreciate Arielle's review! In particular, the feedback on the structure is helpful. I was thinking it would be useful for the reader to read about current involvement first, so they might have some context going into the history. However, I totally understand Arielle's point that organizing it in such a way is confusing.

I will definitely add in photos and media.... I just hadn't gotten around to it yet. As per her suggestion, I will also look to add more about business relations between Sweden and South Africa. I had not thought of that as notable before, so that feedback is interesting to hear.

It's also interesting to think about possible meetings between the Swedish government and the pro-apartheid South African government, as Arielle points out. I wonder if there is information on this, to provide a contrast to the Swedish relations with the anti-apartheid movement. In general, it seems like adding more information on individual/social relationships would be helpful.