User:Jogageis/Sandbox

DIVORCE AND THE AMERICAN FAMILY

In 1969, California law changed to allow for no-fault divorce. Soon after, all fifty states also adapted similar laws. Divorce has since become an increasingly common factor in the American family. Today, only 25 percent of American households fit the traditional model of two married parents and their children. Of all households in America, 9.2% are headed by single moms, and 1.9% are headed by single dads.

CAUSES OF DIVORCE
Causes of divorce in families vary. An estimated twenty percent of all divorces are due to one of the partners abusing alcohol or other drugs. Other reasons are infidelity, or simply outgrowing the relationship. Divorce with children is very rarely done lightly, the divorcing spouse most likely has agonized for years about whether to stay in or leave the marriage. And despite the much publicized studies about the dramatic standard of living drop that many divorced women experience, an estimated two thirds of divorces are sought by women.

Lawyers
Most divorcing spouses use lawyers. Lawyers who specialize in family law can charge between $150 and $500 an hour. If the divorce is acrimonious, the cost of a divorce can be quite high. A few, simple one minute phone calls to a lawyer can add up quickly as lawyers generally bill in fifteen minute increments. Using a lawyer can quickly make a divorce acrimonious. This can be damaging to children as it inevitably adds incredible stress to the co-parenting relationship, and it may be years before the divorcing couple can get along amicably. (div source book p 69) In less than ten percent of cases, an acrimonious divorce cannot be settled between the two parties. (pg 126 negtdiv) In this instance, the case will go to trial and the divorce decree and all pertinent matters will be settled by a family court judge. A good lawyer should be familiar with the judge’s personality, and can tailor their party’s case for a more favorable outcome. Still, going before a judge in a divorce trial is always a risky gamble.

Mediators
Mediation is when a divorcing couple sits down with a professional mediator to create a divorce agreement together. A mediator may be a lawyer, but is often a social worker.(what every woman…112) Issues discussed are custody, parenting plans, alimony, child support, property settlements and whatever else may need to be addressed. Proponents of mediation say that the mediation is more advantageous, as it helps the divorcing couple stay civil, saves money and is easier on the children.(what every pg 114) However, mediation is not for everyone. Mediation works best in marriages where power has been shared more or less equally. In marriages where there is a power disparity, or in more traditional style marriages, the weaker spouse may not be aware of the value of the shared marital property, and unknowingly forfeit their right to an equitable share of the marital pie. A spouse who is battered or somehow intimidated may also be too afraid to bargain effectively. (what every 113) A mediator who is paid for by the stronger spouse may also unintentionally give that individual preferential treatment.

Collaborative Lawyers
Another very new trend in dissolution is a collaborative approach. A collaborative approach is when both parties independently hire a collaborative lawyer. The divorcing spouses, and their collaborative lawyers are committed to working out issues together, without using the court system. A collaborative lawyer even will refuse to represent a client if they decide they would like to pursue litigation. Collaborative divorces are much less expensive than litigated, adversarial divorces, and is very helpful in keeping the divorcing couple civil, and able to maintain a positive post divorce relationship. (div. source book page 68)

CUSTODY
Eighty percent of the time, sole physical custody is granted to the mother. Five percent of fathers are awarded sole physical custody(harris fam law.com), and 15-22 percent of children split their time between two households in a joint custody arrangement. (ahrons 74 ) Legal custody is a different matter than physical custody. In most divorces, both parents are granted joint legal custody. Joint legal custody means that both parents have an equal say in major decisions about how a child is raised, such as where they will attend school or the religious faith the child will practice. In reality, this probably has very little actual meaning, except for making the no custodial parent feel important, and more likely to support the child financially and emotionally after the divorce. (Wallerstein 213)

ALIMONY
Alimony is awarded in 15 percent of divorces. (wewsk pg 162) Alimony is generally awarded for about half the length of the marriage, and it’s purpose usually is to give the spouse with less earning power time to start a career.(div s bk p 127) In some rare case, a spouse may be granted lifetime alimony. If a woman makes significantly more money than a man, he may be granted rehabilitative alimony.(wesk p 165)

CHILD SUPPORT
Child support is paid by the non custodial parent. Amounts are very similar from state to state. For example, in the state of Wisconsin, for example; rates are as follows. For one child, it is 17% of one‘s income, for two children, it is 25%, for three it is 29%, and for four children it is 31%(yr right to..p 110) More money may be granted in some circumstances; if a child has special needs, for example. Similarly, less money may be awarded if the parents have joint physical custody. (pg 111 yrt..) In response to the social problem of many single parents not receiving court ordered child support payments, the federal government passed the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996.This set more standard child support amounts, and the subsequent Uniform Interstate Family Support Act was passed in 1998 to help enforce the payment of child support. Federal and state agencies now aggressively track deadbeat parents across state lines. This new trend in enforcing child support payments makes iit much more difficult to avoid paying child support. (your right..p 98)Penalties are increasingly harsh. The non custodial parent may have their wages garnished, drivers license revoked, passport revoked, property seized, or be imprisoned. (div s book 164)

Effects of Divorceon Women
Financially, women are widely reported to take a financial hit in a divorce. Studies show that a woman’s standard of living often drops 15-30 percent after a divorce.(pg 161 cr tim) Forty percent of divorced women with children live in poverty. (Wall. 163) In many marriages, a woman may only work part-time, or let her career go on hold while she raises the children. Many stay at home moms do not have the education or training to earn a living wage that will support her and her children. Also, a mother may also be seen negatively by an employer by her greater commitment to her children. She is more likely to be the parent who interrupts work to meet a child’s need, whether it be a doctor’s appointment, school function, or any pressing situation. All this can factor into a lessened capacity in wage earning. A non-custodial male parent has much less limitations on their earning power. Yet researcher Shere Hite believes that ninety one percent of women are the initiators of divorce. (Hite 405) Women she interviewed for her book Women and Love mostly reported feelings of relief after deciding to divorce. They also reported that even with the economic hardship, which they had anticipated, they were much happier being divorced. Abigail Trafford, in her book Crazy Time Surviving Divorce and Building A New Life, found that women in especially unhappy marriages even ‘glow’ after divorcing. (CT p 141)

Effects of Divorce on Men
In most cases, divorce comes as a surprise to men, as women predominantly are the ones to end their marriages. The shock of the divorce and the displacement of his role in his child’s life can lead to depression. Divorced men are six times more likely to become clinically depressed, compared to 3.5 percent of divorced women. (www.div stat) A man who only has traditional visitation may feel he has lost a vital connection to his children and his parental authority. If this results in a father becoming less involved with his children’s lives, studies have shown that he may be less likely to pay child support. (div s book 138) One way courts have sought to address this feeling is to grant a non-custodial parent ‘joint-decision making.’ This may have some psychological benefits for the non-custodial parent, however in practice, it is a fragile right at best. In the event of a conflict between the parents, the custodial parent usually will prevail in court. (www. Horut shave)) Financially, however studies show that a divorce man’s standard of living usually rises at least fifteen percent. (pg 161 ct) Some researchers dissent on the general findings that men benefit during a divorce, due to reasons such as tax breaks for the custodial parent and claim that the standard of living disparities between a divorced couple may not be accurate after factoring in the tax free income of child support, and the IRS ruling which grants the custodial parent the right to claim the children on their taxes. (Div Dads pg 64-68)

Effects of Divorce on Children
The immediate effect on children is usually lesser contact with their father, as the great majority of children live with their mothers, usually seeing their father every other weekend and one weeknight every week. As divorce tends to lower a woman’s standard of living, the child‘s standard of living goes down as well. Children often blame themselves for the divorce, and may try to either behave in an exemplary fashion to mitigate problems in the family, or may ‘act out’ to try to force parents to stay together. The bonds between siblings are often strengthened, as children find support in each other. (Wallerstein 144)

Longer term effects of divorce on children
There are different theories regarding the effects of divorce on children. In 2002, Judith Wallerstein’s book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce was published creating a backlash of sorts on the acceptability of divorce for parents of children. Her book is a stern message to parents who have divorced or are considering divorce. A major theme in her book is that while divorce may benefit the parents, the children suffer. Her research suggests that children are very negatively affected by divorce, and that the repercussions affect the children throughout their lives. As children, they often assume the roles of caretakers for their emotionally needy parents which can affect their social development as they feel obligated to keep them company instead of developing friendships with their peers. Joint custody arrangements can make participating in sports and other extracurricular activities difficult. In her study of children of divorce, she found they were more likely to start using drugs and alcohol at an earlier age than children in intact families, and in later teenage years, over half were using drugs and alcohol, as compared to twenty five percent of teenagers in intact families. Promiscuity was also reported as being more prevalent in teenagers whose parents divorced. Adolescence and attaining maturity takes much, much longer for children of divorced families. Marriage may be difficult for them as they lacked growing up in an intact family that they can model their own life after. They may later choose to get into relationships with undesirable partners that they can be a caretaker to, they may believe such a person will never abandon them. Other effects divorce can have on grown children are reported as having more difficulty attending college, as in many cases the divorced parents are less able or willing to pay, in contrast to still married parents. Wallerstein however, does recommend divorce as beneficial to children in extremely dysfunctional situations, such as domestic violence. A more positive and comforting view on the long term effects on children of divorced parents is put forth by Constance Ahrens, author of The Good Divorce and We’re Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say about Their Parents’ Divorce. Ahrons, a is a proponent of the idea that it is the parent’s fighting that negatively affects the children, not their marital status. According to her research: “-76% (of adult children) do not wish their parents were still together -79% feel their parents’ decision to divorce was a good one -70% feel their parents are better off today -78% feel that they are either better off or not affected.” (ah 31) She also questions the validity of Wallerstein’s research due to the fact that Wallerstein offered free counseling services, in exchange for participating in her study, which may have attracted more troubled people to her study. (CA Xiii)Ahrons conducted her own study of the long term effects of divorce on families, the results were published in her 2002 book We’re Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say about Their Parents’ Divorce. Interviews she conducted of adults who experienced parental divorce in their childhood suggests that any trouble children might have could actually be the result of living with two unhappily married people. Another cause cited for delinquent behavior in children of divorce is poverty itself; not the actual divorce. When the standard of living of these children is improved, behavioral problems dramatically improve. (Ahrons 48) Ahrons also favors a peaceful approach between parents; sharing the duties of parenting, and remaining ‘family,’ even after marital dissolution. Ahrons, however, seems to have backed away from her original support ‘egalitarian’ joint custody arrangements of her first book The Good Divorce, in which a child might spend one week with Mom, and one week with Dad, or even one year with Mom, and one year with Dad. (Ahrons the good divorce pg 171) In her later book, We’re Still Family, she acknowledges that it is often very hard on children to live in two houses at once. (st fam 79) Another researcher, Mavis Hetherington, studied the effects of divorce on children, which mirrors Ahron’s research. Her findings show that after an initial adjustment period of about two years, 70-80% of children are happy and well-adjusted. (cont iss div 78) SAME SEX MARRIAGES Same sex couples are now being granted the right be united in civil marriages or to marry in some states. In some cases of a civil union being dissolved, one partner has been court ordered to support their partner’s child. It is not yet clear how the inevitable divorces will be handled by the courts throughout the United States if a couple has relocated. (cont issues div 51)

DIVORCE PORTRAYED IN TV
An example of an emotionally needy divorced custodial parent and her caretaking child are the Desperate Housewives characters of Susan Mayer, played by Teri Hatcher, and Julie Mayer, played by Andrea Bower.